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You, uh, you ever been to France? [Lori shakes her head no] Yeah, me neither.

— David Simon, C.C., Gary Carr, Show and Prove

Frankie, you should have been there! Rudy shoved it so far up their Irish cunts you would have...what? Who died?

— David Simon, Vincent Martino / Frankie Martino, James Franco, The Principle Is All

Candy: You know, I don't think you have enough money in your wallet for that tonight. Leonard: Come on, Candy. You get paid more than usual for it. How do you know? Candy: How do I know? Leonard: Yeah, how? Candy: Because nobody actually likes getting fucked in the ass, even as pretend. You don't wa…

— David Simon, Candy, Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Principle Is All

Anal Sex dick Fucked

Vincent: We open in three hours. If you want, you can be here with us to christen the joint. Abby: Thanks anyhow. Vincent: Hey, it will be good for your memoirs.

— David Simon, Vincent, James Franco, The Principle Is All

Christening Memoir

Harvey Wasserman: [Watching Eileen's movie footage] Why is he kissing her? Eileen 'Candy' Merrell: They're making love, Harvey. Harvey Wasserman: That's disgusting!

— George Pelecanos, David Simon, The Camera Loves You

Kissing Making Love disgusting

[Looking at C.C.'s body after Bobby and Frankie have just killed him] Damn! Y'all murdered the shit out of that motherfucker!

— David Simon, Black Frankie, Thaddeus Street, Nobody Has to Get Hurt

Murder Shit Motherfucker

Duck Salad, no thank you!

— George Pelecanos, David Simon, Chris Alston, Lawrence Gilliard Jr, Pilot

Duck Salad

The Constitution gives the House of Representatives the sole power to impeach an official, and it makes the Senate the sole court for impeachment trials. The power of impeachment is limited to removal from office but also provides for a removed officer to be disqualified from holding future office.…

— House of Representatives, How Impeachment Works

Impeachment History

Bo Duke: Man, I’m never gonna get out of this car again! I’m gonna live in it, I’m gonna eat in it, and I’m gonna make sweet love to it! Luke Duke: You mean you’re gonna make sweet love in it. Bo Duke: Oh no, I’m gonna have sex with it.

— Jonathan L. Davis, John O'Brien, Bo Duke, Seann William Scott, The Dukes of Hazzard

sex in a car sex with a car

Luke Duke: [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police] Stop that! Why are you doin’ that? Uncle Jesse: What I’m about to do, I don’t want to remember a lot of it. [lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them]

— John O'Brien, Jonathan L. Davis, Uncle Jesse Duke, Willie Nelson, The Dukes of Hazzard

Moonshine Incendiary Devices

Uncle Jesse: You know why tornadoes and blondes are so much alike? Luke Duke: No. Uncle Jesse: At first, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.

— John O'Brien, Jonathan L. Davis, Uncle Jesse Duke, Willie Nelson, The Dukes of Hazzard

sucking BLowing tornados Dumb Blonde Jokes

You know what happens when a politician takes Viagra? He gets taller.

— John O'Brien, Jonathan L. Davis, Uncle Jesse Duke, Willie Nelson, The Dukes of Hazzard

Viagra Politicians

Luke Duke: You thinkin’ about throwin’ that? Uncle Jesse: Oh, I’m gonna throw it...I was thinkin’ about pussy.

— John O'Brien, Jonathan L. Davis, Uncle Jesse Duke, Willie Nelson, The Dukes of Hazzard

Thinking Pussy Sexual Fantasies

Luke, you manwhore.

— Jonathan L. Davis, John O'Brien, Bo Duke, Seann William Scott, The Dukes of Hazzard

Manwhore

Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China? Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once.

— Jonathan L. Davis, John O'Brien, Bo Duke, Seann William Scott, The Dukes of Hazzard

China Chinese Food

[after shooting a gas can with a flaming arrow] Boom-shakalaka.

— Jonathan L. Davis, John O'Brien, Bo Duke, Seann William Scott, The Dukes of Hazzard

boom-shakalaka

[Luke and Bo just failed a moonshine delivery] How many Dukes does it take to screw up a moonshine delivery?

— John O'Brien, Jonathan L. Davis, Uncle Jesse Duke, Willie Nelson, The Dukes of Hazzard

Moonshine

Just the good ol’ boys/Never meanin’ no harm/Beats all you never saw/Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born/Straightenin’ the curves/Flattenin’ the hills/Someday the mountain might get ’em but the law never will/Makin’ their way the only way they know how/That’s just a little bit m…

— John O'Brien, Jonathan L. Davis, Uncle Jesse Duke, Willie Nelson, The Dukes of Hazzard

Good Ol' Boys Moonshine Robin Hood

Luke Duke: [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse] Well, now, I guess the party’s over. Boss Hogg: Damn right it is! As long as I’m the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them! Daisy Duke: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I…

— John O'Brien, Jonathan L. Davis, Uncle Jesse Duke, Willie Nelson, The Dukes of Hazzard

georgia Penitentiary Pardon

Uncle Jesse: Why are divorces so expensive? Luke Duke: Why? Uncle Jesse: 'Cause they’re worth it.

— John O'Brien, Jonathan L. Davis, Uncle Jesse Duke, Willie Nelson, The Dukes of Hazzard

Divorce expensive Jokes

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