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Jonathan L. Davis

20 quotes

All Jokes (4)Moonshine (4)BLowing (1)sucking (1)Good Ol' Boys (1)Jail (1)Sexual Fantasies (1)Divorce (1)Chinese Food (1)Farmer (1)Penitentiary (1)Manwhore (1)Viagra (1)Pardon (1)Donkey (1)

From “The Dukes of Hazzard”

Bo Duke: Man, I’m never gonna get out of this car again! I’m gonna live in it, I’m gonna eat in it, and I’m gonna make sweet love to it! Luke Duke: You mean you’re gonna make sweet love in it. Bo Duke: Oh no, I’m gonna have sex with it.

sex in a car sex with a car

Luke Duke: [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police] Stop that! Why are you doin’ that? Uncle Jesse: What I’m about to do, I don’t want to remember a lot of it. [lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them]

Moonshine Incendiary Devices

Uncle Jesse: You know why tornadoes and blondes are so much alike? Luke Duke: No. Uncle Jesse: At first, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.

sucking BLowing tornados Dumb Blonde Jokes

You know what happens when a politician takes Viagra? He gets taller.

Viagra Politicians

Luke Duke: You thinkin’ about throwin’ that? Uncle Jesse: Oh, I’m gonna throw it...I was thinkin’ about pussy.

Thinking Pussy Sexual Fantasies

Luke, you manwhore.

Manwhore

Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China? Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once.

China Chinese Food

[after shooting a gas can with a flaming arrow] Boom-shakalaka.

boom-shakalaka

[Luke and Bo just failed a moonshine delivery] How many Dukes does it take to screw up a moonshine delivery?

Moonshine

Just the good ol’ boys/Never meanin’ no harm/Beats all you never saw/Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born/Straightenin’ the curves/Flattenin’ the hills/Someday the mountain might get ’em but the law never will/Makin’ their way the only way they know how/That’s just a little bit…

Good Ol' Boys Moonshine Robin Hood

Luke Duke: [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse] Well, now, I guess the party’s over. Boss Hogg: Damn right it is! As long as I’m the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them! Daisy Duke: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I…

georgia Penitentiary Pardon

Uncle Jesse: Why are divorces so expensive? Luke Duke: Why? Uncle Jesse: 'Cause they’re worth it.

Divorce expensive Jokes

Uncle Jesse: [after Luke crashes through a police roadblock] Give me your goddamn license! Luke Duke: What license?

license Jokes Goddamn

Here’s another one: Drunk walks out of a bar and runs into a guy carrying an antique grandfather clock. The guy drops the clock, breaking into a million pieces. He looks at the drunk and says, ‘Why don’t you watch where you’re going?’ The drunk looks at him and says, ‘Why don’t you carry a…

Drunk grandfther clock wristwatch Jokes

Uncle Jesse: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? Luke Duke: What? Uncle Jesse: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

Jokes Donkey onion Piece of Ass

Daisy Duke: [Daisy walks into the sheriff’s office wearing a very revealing bikini] Enos? [leans in very close to him] Where’s Boss Hogg holding Uncle Jesse and Pauline? Deputy Enos Strate: Uh, out at your farm. Daisy Duke: Thanks, Enos. [gets up and walks off smiling] That’s got to be a new record.

Sexy

Uncle Jesse: What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm? Luke Duke: What? Uncle Jesse: A playboy.

Farmer Sheep Playboy

I think something bounced up in my undercarriage.

Double Entendre

Daisy Duke: They planted a still on our farm. Pauline: They planted a still? Why would they have to plant a still? Daisy Duke: ‘Cause they’re too damn dumb to find our real still.

Moonshine

Daisy Duke: You know what’s gonna happen? They’re gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I’m gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out. Uncle Jesse: That’s why we love ya, honey.

Jail ass

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