“Sergeant: I'm prepared to promise you your own guns, ammo, grenades, and uniforms. I'll get you a delayed entry, and I can probably get you stationed at Fort Dix. Butt-head: Is that anywhere near Fort Nuts?”Tagged: Fort Dix, Ammo, Guns, Grenades, army
“Old woman: What happened to my spectacles? Butt-head: Uh, your testicles?”Tagged: Homonyms, testicles, Spectacles
“Store clerk: Are you two gonna buy something or are you gonna stare all day? Butt-head: Uh, we're gonna stare all day.”Tagged: loitering
“Y'know, like, this band sucks. But it's like, they suck like, in new ways, y'know. Like, they suck in ways we haven't, like, seen stuff suck before.”
“Butt-head: Hey Beavis. I heard if you tip a cow over while it's sleeping, cool stuff happens. Beavis: Really? Like what? Butt-head: Uh…it falls over? Beavis: Cool! We're there, dude!”Tagged: Cow-Tipping
“Hospital Receptionist: Can I help you? Butt-head: Uh, he's got, like, rabies or something. Hospital Receptionist: I see. What's your name? Butt-head: Uh, last name is 'Munch'. First name is 'Rodney'. Beavis: Yeah, heh heh, yeah. Rod Munch.”Tagged: Juvenile Humor, Dirty Mind, Rabies
“What does the president of the United States think about when he goes to the bathroom?”Tagged: President of the United States, bathroom
“Dr. Floss: [holds up a merely a random pattern] What do you see in this picture? Butt-head: It's this dude, and he's like 'auditioning his finger puppets.' Huh huh. Beavis: Yeah. Yeah. He's 'shining his helmet.' Dr. Floss: I see. And what do you see here? [holds up another picture of random shapes]…”Tagged: Rorschach tests, masturbation
“Buzzcut: And what about your patent disregard for Beavis! Do you not care a rat's ass for the safety of your closest companion!? Butt-head: Uhh…no.”Tagged: Compassion
“[Beavis and Butt-head are pitching a show idea to Mr. Van Driessen] Mr. Van Driessen: Now, I'm sure you have a fantastic concept. I'm going to close my eyes, and I want you to wow me. Butt-head: ...Uh, is that allowed on school property?”
“Butt-head: I didn't know you were psychic, Beavis. Beavis: Yeah, remember what those doctors said on those tests? Butt-head: No, Beavis, they said you were psycho.”Tagged: Psychic, psycho, Homonyms
“I bet they put all the stuff that sucks on in the morning, just to, like, get us to go to school.”Tagged: Television, Morning TV
“Mr. O'Brien: Alright, now I'm gonna ask you some questions. Failure to be truthful, and your responses will be interpreted as an acknowledgment of guilt. Do you understand? Butt-head: Uh…yeah. [detector buzzes 'false'] Uh huh huh. Uh, I mean, no. [detector dings 'true'] Huh huh huh.”Tagged: polygraph, Truthful, Guilt
“[watching a Violent Femmes video] I don't understand what the big deal is about breaking up. I'd just be like "Hey baby, get lost. We can still do it and stuff, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."”