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Hawkeye Pierce

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All Drinking (3)War (3)Guns (2)Alcoholism (2)Flatulence (1)pollen (1)Engaged (1)winsome (1)Close Quarters (1)bombs (1)Battle (1)mate (1)excuses (1)cold (1)tension (1)

From “Pilot”

Frank Burns: [spotting Hawkeye browsing through his personal shelf] What are you doing up there? Hawkeye Pierce: I just wanted to borrow your Bible, Frank. Frank Burns: Since when are you two interested in the Bible? Trapper John McIntyre: I peeked at the end, Frank. The Devil did it.

Bible The Devil Did It

Lt. Dish: Hawkeye, I'm trying to be faithful. How many times must I tell you I'm engaged? Hawkeye Pierce: I'm engaged, too, think of me as a dress rehearsal. Lt. Dish: A girl can only take so much. Hawkeye Pierce: Are we anywhere near that part yet?

Sexual Harassment Engaged Faithful Dress Rehearsal

Henry, you have no idea what it's like sharing a tent with a guy who thinks he's all twelve disciples!

Schizophrenia Close Quarters

From “Yankee Doodle Doctor”

Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He's got a fifty-fifty chance. We win some, we lose some. That's what it's all about. No promises. No guaranteed survival. No 'saints in surgical garb'. Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns…

Surgery War Battle Guns bombs

From “I Hate a Mystery”

Henry: I assume you've all read my notice concerning the recent crime wave. Hawkeye: I would've read it, but the notice was stolen.

Crime

From “Radar’s Report”

Hawkeye: Great little war we have here. Radar: I could do without it.

War Pacifism

Henry: You were ordered to stand down! Hawkeye: I did, but I fell up again.

Drunk stand down

From “The Sniper”

Frank, do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn.

Hero Tired cold Hungry don't give a damn

From “Deal Me Out”

Trapper: You have a lot of trouble with women, don't you? Hawkeye: Every chance that I can!

trouble Women Double Entendre

From “Officer of the Day”

I'm not sleeping, I'm inspecting the inside of my eyelids.

not sleeping excuses Alibis

I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even…

Guns harakiri Pentagon cary grant old virginia

From “O.R.”

I just don’t know why they’re shooting at us. All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread. Transplant the American dream. Freedom. Achievement. Hyperacidity. Affluence. Flatulence. Technology. Tension. The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to…

Freedom Achievement Flatulence tension American Dream

From “Check-Up”

Hawkeye: Let's make a pact about drinking. Trapper: All right. Hawkeye: Let's never stop.

Drinking Alcoholism

From “Alcoholics Unanimous”

The instrument has yet to be devised that can test my indifference to that remark.

Indifference

From “Welcome to Korea”

Potter: I gather you drink. Hawkeye: Only to excess.

Drinking Alcoholism

From “The Bus”

Frank: I can plug an ace of hearts at fifty feet. Hawkeye: I'll remember that if we're ever attacked by a bridge club.

cards Aim

From “The General's Practitioner”

War isn't hell. War is war, and hell is hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse.

war is hell War Hell

From “Fallen Idol”

Look, you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? In the blood of children? I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then... then the hell with it. How dare you? The…

Iowa naivete Blood sausage grinder

From “Inga”

I am the essence of overconfidence. I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag howling for its winsome, yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution, the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle fuzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I…

overconfidence winsome stag mate pollen

From “A Night at Rosie's”

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happy Hour.

Life Pursuit of Happiness happy hour Drinking

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