“Roman: There's no mystery here, Chet. I know how you really feel about me. Chet: Do you? Roman: Yeah, and I knew that if I was ever to give you something, you figure there'd be strings attached. Chet: Is that a fact? Roman: Yeah, that's a fact. At our wedding, you were in the john, Kate and Connie's…”Tagged: grudges, hard feelings, crooked, Mystery
“[Chet and Roman are arguing] Chet: You've got an awful lot of nerve, Roman, a lot of nerve. Roman: It's served me well, I'm the one with the Mercedes. Chet: By the way, is it paid for? Roman: Are you jealous? Chester! Chet: Don't call me Chester! Call me that one more time and you're gonna go home…”Tagged: Blow It Out Your Ass, Bite the Big One, Jealous, Rude
“What a gas! Chet's gonna shit a solid gold brick when he sees us, what a great surprise!”Tagged: Gas, surprise, shit a brick
“You wouldn't know a good time if it fell out of the sky and landed on your face and started to wiggle!”Tagged: Good Time
“Personally, I'd rather see a 46-inch bust singing ‘Burnin' Love.’”Tagged: Elvis Presley, Burnin' Love
“Kate Craig: Ahh! [Kate and Roman run out of their bedroom] Roman: What? Kate Craig: It touched me! Roman: It's been touching you for 12 years, you never freak! Kate Craig: Not you! [Kate hits Roman on the arm] A thing. Roman: What thing? Chet: [Comes out of his bedroom, along with the rest of the…”Tagged: bat, Sparrow
“Roman: I don't need cocktails for that. Was that a shot? Chet: No, that was the truth. Roman: Oh, that was a shot! Chet: That...was a shot. Roman: [to the bartender] Speaking of shots, set us up!”Tagged: shots, Truth, Bartender
“Roman: [Chet, Roman, and the kids are out fishing and are putting bait on their hooks] These are the biggest worms I have ever encountered. Chet: They're not worms, they're leeches.”Tagged: Worms, Leeches, Gross
“Roman: I think we should go into town tomorrow and pick up a ski boat. Whaddya say? Sound good, guys? Uncle Roman'll blow some coin on a kick-ass drag boat! Chet: That's OK, we're renting a pontoon boat. Roman: Pontoon boat? What the hell are you gonna do with a pontoon boat? Retake Omaha Beach?”Tagged: pontoon boat, Omaha Beach, Kick-Ass
“[Chet is eating the last bite of the 96-ounce steak] Roman: I think that just about does it. Grill Chef: He's not done yet! Roman: It might take him a moment for that last bite to go down, but it will go down! Grill Chef: That ain't the last bite! Roman: Well sure it is, there is nothing on that…”Tagged: Paul Bunyan, Steak
“I gotta go to the John, I'll be right back. Gonna introduce Mr. Thick Dick to Mr. Urinal Cake!”Tagged: Thick Dick, Urinal Cake
“Roman: Honey? Kate Craig: [in the shower] Yes? Roman: How come Chet's kids look at him like he's Zeus and ours look at me like I'm a rack of yard tools at Sears? Why can't they connect with me? Kate Craig: Well, maybe if you spent less time at work and more time with us, it would... Roman: Put a…”Tagged: Jealousy, Sears, Zeus
“[Chet is being pulled by the boat on water-skies at high speed] Chet: You bastard! You bastard! Roman: I think he's saying go faster.”Tagged: Bastard, faster, Misheard
“How about the gourmet here, you know what he wanted? Hot dogs! You know what they make those things out of, Chet? You know? Lips and assholes!”Tagged: gourmet, Hot Dogs, Lips, Assholes
“Good evening. How's it going? Listen, girls...uh...as your father, I feel it incumbent upon me to set the record straight on the validity of the tale which Uncle Chet shared with us this evening. I know that a terrifying story like that coming from the mouth of a recognized authority figure could be…”Tagged: nightmares, violent, Bears, behavior modification