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Roman Craig

17 quotes

All Gross (2)Kick-Ass (1)Urinal Cake (1)crank (1)Steak (1)behavior modification (1)nightmares (1)Burnin' Love (1)Bartender (1)Lips (1)Thick Dick (1)faster (1)violent (1)masturbation (1)Gas (1)

From “The Great Outdoors”

Roman: There's no mystery here, Chet. I know how you really feel about me. Chet: Do you? Roman: Yeah, and I knew that if I was ever to give you something, you figure there'd be strings attached. Chet: Is that a fact? Roman: Yeah, that's a fact. At our wedding, you were in the john, Kate and Connie's…

grudges hard feelings crooked Mystery

Looks like you're wanking your crank.

wanking masturbation crank

[Chet and Roman are arguing] Chet: You've got an awful lot of nerve, Roman, a lot of nerve. Roman: It's served me well, I'm the one with the Mercedes. Chet: By the way, is it paid for? Roman: Are you jealous? Chester! Chet: Don't call me Chester! Call me that one more time and you're gonna go home…

Blow It Out Your Ass Bite the Big One Jealous Rude

What a gas! Chet's gonna shit a solid gold brick when he sees us, what a great surprise!

Gas surprise shit a brick

Look at the size of the maggots on that meat!

Maggots Meat Gross

You wouldn't know a good time if it fell out of the sky and landed on your face and started to wiggle!

Good Time

Personally, I'd rather see a 46-inch bust singing ‘Burnin' Love.’

Elvis Presley Burnin' Love

Kate Craig: Ahh! [Kate and Roman run out of their bedroom] Roman: What? Kate Craig: It touched me! Roman: It's been touching you for 12 years, you never freak! Kate Craig: Not you! [Kate hits Roman on the arm] A thing. Roman: What thing? Chet: [Comes out of his bedroom, along with the rest of the…

bat Sparrow

Roman: I don't need cocktails for that. Was that a shot? Chet: No, that was the truth. Roman: Oh, that was a shot! Chet: That...was a shot. Roman: [to the bartender] Speaking of shots, set us up!

shots Truth Bartender

Roman: [Chet, Roman, and the kids are out fishing and are putting bait on their hooks] These are the biggest worms I have ever encountered. Chet: They're not worms, they're leeches.

Worms Leeches Gross

Roman: I think we should go into town tomorrow and pick up a ski boat. Whaddya say? Sound good, guys? Uncle Roman'll blow some coin on a kick-ass drag boat! Chet: That's OK, we're renting a pontoon boat. Roman: Pontoon boat? What the hell are you gonna do with a pontoon boat? Retake Omaha Beach?

pontoon boat Omaha Beach Kick-Ass

[Chet is eating the last bite of the 96-ounce steak] Roman: I think that just about does it. Grill Chef: He's not done yet! Roman: It might take him a moment for that last bite to go down, but it will go down! Grill Chef: That ain't the last bite! Roman: Well sure it is, there is nothing on that…

Paul Bunyan Steak

I gotta go to the John, I'll be right back. Gonna introduce Mr. Thick Dick to Mr. Urinal Cake!

Thick Dick Urinal Cake

Roman: Honey? Kate Craig: [in the shower] Yes? Roman: How come Chet's kids look at him like he's Zeus and ours look at me like I'm a rack of yard tools at Sears? Why can't they connect with me? Kate Craig: Well, maybe if you spent less time at work and more time with us, it would... Roman: Put a…

Jealousy Sears Zeus

[Chet is being pulled by the boat on water-skies at high speed] Chet: You bastard! You bastard! Roman: I think he's saying go faster.

Bastard faster Misheard

How about the gourmet here, you know what he wanted? Hot dogs! You know what they make those things out of, Chet? You know? Lips and assholes!

gourmet Hot Dogs Lips Assholes

Good evening. How's it going? Listen, girls...uh...as your father, I feel it incumbent upon me to set the record straight on the validity of the tale which Uncle Chet shared with us this evening. I know that a terrifying story like that coming from the mouth of a recognized authority figure could be…

nightmares violent Bears behavior modification

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