Season 4

“I am The Great Cornholio. I need TP for my Bunghole.”

— Kristofor Brown, Beavis, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“I bet they put all the stuff that sucks on in the morning, just to, like, get us to go to school.”

— Kristofor Brown, Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“[watching a Radiohead music video] Sometimes, if I have a boner that won't go down, I listen to this kind of music.”

— Kristofor Brown, Mike Judge, Beavis, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“[Beavis and Butt-head are pitching a show idea to Mr. Van Driessen] Mr. Van Driessen: Now, I'm sure you have a fantastic concept. I'm going to close my eyes, and I want you to wow me. Butt-head: ...Uh, is that allowed on school property?”

— Kristofor Brown, Joe Stillman, Bo Weinberg, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“[watching a Morrissey music video] Get off the ground and stop whining, you wuss!”

— Kristofor Brown, Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Buzzcut: And what about your patent disregard for Beavis! Do you not care a rat's ass for the safety of your closest companion!? Butt-head: Uhh…no.”

— Kristofor Brown, Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Uh…I've got a crisis…in my pants.”

— Kristofor Brown, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Gus Baker: Hey! We're on the air! You can't use that language! Beavis: We use language?”

— Kristofor Brown, Beavis, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“I don't know what your problem is, but I simply cannot have students roaming the hallways during class, interrupting other classes, and giving prophecies of a great plague.”

— Kristofor Brown, Mike Judge, Principal McVicker, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Beavis: So, like, in heaven, will all the chicks do anything I want? St. Peter: No. Beavis: That sucks. Do I get X-ray vision? Can I get some nachos? St. Peter: No. Beavis: Are you sure this is heaven?”

— Larry Doyle, Kristofor Brown, Beavis, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Butt-head: Hey, Beavis. We could get rich doing this. We need to get more balls. Beavis: [laughs] You've got to hear what you just said, Butt-head. You said, heh, "We need to get more balls." Butt-head: Huh huh huh, oh yeah.”

— Kristofor Brown, Beavis, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“We're never gonna score! We’ll get cars and like, we'll get jobs, and we'll have to like, mow lawns and scrub the grill, but we're never gonna score ever! It's gonna suck!”

— Kristofor Brown, Mike Judge, Beavis, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Butt-head: I didn't know you were psychic, Beavis. Beavis: Yeah, remember what those doctors said on those tests? Butt-head: No, Beavis, they said you were psycho.”

— Kristofor Brown, Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Mr. O'Brien: Alright, now I'm gonna ask you some questions. Failure to be truthful, and your responses will be interpreted as an acknowledgment of guilt. Do you understand? Butt-head: Uh…yeah. [detector buzzes 'false'] Uh huh huh. Uh, I mean, no. [detector dings 'true'] Huh huh huh.”

— Peter Gaffney, Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Butt-head: Hey Beavis. I heard if you tip a cow over while it's sleeping, cool stuff happens. Beavis: Really? Like what? Butt-head: Uh…it falls over? Beavis: Cool! We're there, dude!”

— Geoff Rodkey, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Hospital Receptionist: Can I help you? Butt-head: Uh, he's got, like, rabies or something. Hospital Receptionist: I see. What's your name? Butt-head: Uh, last name is 'Munch'. First name is 'Rodney'. Beavis: Yeah, heh heh, yeah. Rod Munch.”

— Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Dr. Floss: [holds up a merely a random pattern] What do you see in this picture? Butt-head: It's this dude, and he's like 'auditioning his finger puppets.' Huh huh. Beavis: Yeah. Yeah. He's 'shining his helmet.' Dr. Floss: I see. And what do you see here? [holds up another picture of random shapes]…”

— Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“What does the president of the United States think about when he goes to the bathroom?”

— Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“I need TP for my bunghole!”

— Kristofor Brown, Mike Judge, Beavis, Mike Judge, imdb.com