“I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.”— Leslie Knope, amazon.comTagged: humor, inspiration, Self-Love
“I AM SUPER CHILL ALL THE TIME!”— Leslie Knope, amazon.comTagged: Parks And Rec, humor, Chill, Relaxed, Personality
“I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.”— Leslie Knope, amazon.comTagged: humor, Salad, food, eating, Health Food
“What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring really loudly at me.”— Leslie Knope, amazon.comTagged: Parks And Rec, humor, caring, Shouting, Conflict
“I need you to text me every 30 seconds saying that everything is gonna be okay.”— Leslie Knope, amazon.comTagged: Parks And Rec, Friendship, Texting, Love, Anxiety
“We have to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third.”— Leslie Knope, amazon.comTagged: Parks And Rec, humor, Parks And Recreation, Friendship, Work
“Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait…wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?”— Ron Swanson, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Hungry, food, Eggs And Bacon
“I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.”— Tom Haverford, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, High Road, Low Road
“Then I’m sure he’s not cheating on you. But if he is, he’s a monster. And if he’s not, you guys are great together. But if he is, I will kill him.”— Leslie Knope, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Dating, Cheating
“Emojis are little cartoons you text instead of words. Instead of saying, ‘What up, boo?’ you can type ‘What up’ and then a cute little ghost because that means boo. There’s even a little Indian guy, but he has a turban on, which I think is racist. But the Asian guy also has a racist hat on. And it’s…”— Tom Haverford, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Innovation, Technology, Emojis
“Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.”— Ron Swanson, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Fishing, yoga
“I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please.”— April Ludgate, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Drinking, Wine
“April is the best. But she’s 20. When April was born, I was already in the third grade, which means if we were friends back then, I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don’t know anything about infant care. My god, I could have killed her.”— Andy Dwyer, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Dating, Clueless
“One time when I was in high school, a guy’s mom called me and broke up with me for him. There was another time where I was on a date, and I tripped and broke my kneecap, and the guy said he wasn’t ‘feeling it,’ so he left and I waited for an ambulance. One time I was dating this guy for a while, and…”— Leslie Knope, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Dating, Breakups
“I have a resting heart rate of 23 beats per minute. The scientists who study me say my heart can pump jet fuel up into an airplane.”— Chris Traeger, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Heart Rate, Health
“Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz.’ I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-pa…”— Tom Haverford, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Innovation, food, Abbreviations
“Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.”— Ron Swanson, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Fishing, Feed A Man A Fish
“Guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.”— Leslie Knope, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Guys, Dating
“I mean, that’s why people respect Hillary Clinton so much, because nobody takes a punch like her. She’s the strongest, smartest punching bag in the world.”— Leslie Knope, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Hillary Clinton
“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.”— Ron Swanson, amazon.comTagged: humor, Funny, Dogs, cats