Season

Season 2

by Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Tom Cherones, Marlene, Tracy Kolis and 54 others

Season two of Seinfeld, an American television series created by Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, began airing on January 23, 1991, on NBC. Because of the commencement of the first Gulf War, the second season's premiere was postponed one week. The season c

(55 total)

Characters

Jerry Seinfeld (79)Larry David (37)Jason Alexander (22)George Costanza (22)Larry Charles (12)Peter Mehlman (6)Elaine Benes (2)Julia Louis-Dreyfus (2)Fred Applegate (1)John Fleck (1)

“I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I've never had a normal, medium orgasm.”

— Larry Charles, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: orgasm, Delayed Orgasm, Premature Ejaculation

“Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body; we just want the body.”

— Larry Charles, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Women, Men, Attraction, doctors, models

“You know, I lived with the Eskimos many years ago, and they used to plunge their faces into the snow.”

— Larry Charles, Tor Eckman, John Fleck, imdb.com

Tagged: New Age Medicine, Eskimos

“Jerry, kill me, kill me now. I'm begging you. Let's just get it over with. Be a pal. Just take the pillow and put it over my face.”

— Larry Charles, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Suicide, Depression, Self-Pity

“You know, I tell ya, I gotta say that I'm enjoying adulthood. For a lot of reasons. And, I'll tell you reason number one: as an adult, if I want a cookie, I have a cookie, okay? I have three cookies or four cookies, or eleven cookies if I want. Many times I will intentionally ruin my entire appetite…”

— Larry Charles, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Adulthood, Freedom, Overeating, Cookies

“Do you think it's effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle?”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Laundry, Masculinity, Effeminate

“That's it. This is it. I'm done. Through. It's over. I'm gone. Finished. Over. I will never work for you again. Look at you. You think you're an important man? Is that what you think? You are a laughingstock. You are a joke. These people are laughing at you. You're nothing! You have no brains, no ab…”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Quitting, Cruelty, Employers, Laughingstock, Brains

“You can't win. You can't beat me. That's why I'm here and you're there. Because I'm a winner. I'll always be a winner and you'll always be a loser.”

— Larry David, Rick Levitan, Fred Applegate, imdb.com

Tagged: Winning, Losing, victory, Cruelty

“There's always that certain group of people, isn't it? They're talking and talking, and everyone around them is shushing them and shushing them. They won't shush. They're the unshushables.”

— Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Loud People, inconsiderate

“I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots!”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Guilt, Sex, idiocy, Madison Square Garden, Respect

“People don't turn down money! It's what separates us from the animals.”

— Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Greed, Money, humanity

“You may think you're an idiot, but with all due respect—I’m a much bigger idiot than you are.”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: idiocy, Competition

“You know the way I am—rarely ever thinking of myself. My only concern is the welfare and happiness of those close to me. Sure, it hurts sometimes—to give, and give, and give.”

— Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: selfishness, Generosity, Happiness

“I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham!”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: lying

“Women don't wanna see need. They want a take-charge guy—a colonel, a kaiser, a tsar.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Masculinity, Neediness, strength

“What's brutal about the date is the scrutiny that you put each other through. Because whenever you think about this person in terms of the future, you have to magnify everything about them. You know, like the guy'll be like 'I don't think her eyebrows are even. Could I look at uneven eyebrows for th…”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Dating, Anxiety, tension, pressure, Eyebrows

“I think if one's going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note—it's common courtesy. I don't know, that's just the way I was brought up.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Suicide, Suicide Notes, Courtesy, Irony

“She invited me up. Coffee's not coffee, coffee is sex.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Coffee, Sex, Miscommunication

“For me to ask a woman out I gotta get into a mental state like the karate guys before they break the bricks.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Dating, Anxiety, Karate

“The bad thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. Did you ever see anybody on TV like just sliding off the front of the sofa with potato chip crumbs on their face?”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Television, Reality v. Fantasy, Couch Potatoes