“It’s the fifth night of Hanukkah! Only one shopping day until the sixth night of Hanukkah!”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: hanukkah, Holidays, Shopping
“Do you all prefer multi-colored lights or the plain, white ones? Hurry, because it’s cold up here on this ladder.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: Christmas, Holidays, decorations
“Stephen’s Picks! Today’s Stephen Pick: Celery sticks with peanut butter. A delicious and healthy lunchtime treat.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: food, healthy, snacks
“Stephen’s Picks! Today’s Stephen Pick: Sheet rock. It's quicker than plaster!”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: sheet rock, plaster, Advice
“Well, it’s twelve o’clock. Happy New Year, everyone. Yeah, excellent start to the year. Fantastic.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: New Year, party, midnight
“If North Korea is dropping H-bombs, can I start dropping F-bombs?”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: Cursing, north korea, bombs
“Still struggling to lose my holiday weight from 2006.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: weight loss, Weight, Holidays
“Another rough day on Wall Street. Good thing all of my savings are tied up in Greek municipal bonds!”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: Wall Street, Money, banks
“$800 million Powerball drawing tonight! The winner can come to the dark alley behind the Ed Sullivan Theater to claim their prize.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: lottery, powerball, millions
“Picking up a few extra bucks by playing myself at Madame Tussauds. Stop by and say, 'Hi!'”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: madame tussauds, wax figures, Money
“So Rolling Stone publishes Sean Penn's El Chapo interview, but they won't even CONSIDER my D.B. Cooper erotic fan fiction?!”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: rolling stone, el chapo, sean penn, fan fiction
“If Twitter’s stock price goes any lower, I’m concerned that none of us are ever going to get paid for this.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: Twitter, Money, finances
“Ugh, I’ve been waiting at this DMV forever. What do I have to do, come back when they’re open?!”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: DMV, Cars, Patience
“So annoying that Javier Muñoz gets to be Hamilton just because he "knows the lyrics" and "isn't banned from the Richard Rodgers Theater."”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: hamilton, broadway, Musical
“Excited to get this new Netflix logo burned into my computer monitor. I was tired of watching the old one.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: Netflix, computer, Technology
“Hope you all had a great International Yoga Day. I’m currently working on my favorite pose: Recumbent Swiss Roll Consumer.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: yoga, Exercise, food
“Who do you think Hillary’s going to choose for her VP? I mean, she already told ME who it’s going to be, but who do YOU think?”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: Hillary Clinton, President, Election
“Anyone see Game of Thrones last night? So crazy when my HBO cut out and I had to watch Madam Secretary instead—did NOT see that coming!”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: HBO, Game of Thrones, madam secretary
“In Rio, the only Olympic event that really matters is your body’s ability to fight off an infection.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: olympics, infections, rio
“I love catching Pokémon on this new app! Much better than the stuff you can catch from Tinder.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.comTagged: Tinder, dating apps, Pokemon Go, Pokemon