“School is hard enough as it is without my sister banging the teacher.”— Jill Gordon, Erin Silver, Jessica Stroup, imdb.com
“I am a horny engineer; I never joke about math or sex.”— David Goetsch, Howard Wolowitz, Simon Helberg, imdb.com
“Jackie: No way, Fez I can’t believe you finally lost your virginity. Eric: Wait, this isn’t like the time you bought a hamster, named it Virginity and then lost it, is it?”— Philip Stark, Eric Foreman, Topher Grace, imdb.com
“Summer: The other night, when we... had sex... you weren't the only virgin in the room. Seth: There was someone else in the room? Like, filming us? Summer: Me, jackass.”— Josh Schwartz, Summer Roberts, Rachel Bilson, imdb.com
“I mean, it’s simple. The woman just needs to be a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room, and an acrobat in the bedroom. And I can hire a cook and a maid.”— Dean Batali, Jackie Burkhart, Mila Kunis, imdb.com
“Oh, I hope I win this van. I really need a place to do it with Jackie.”— Alan Dybner, Jill Effron, Sarah MacLaughlin, Michael Kelso, Ashton Kutcher, imdb.com
“A promise ring is not only a gift from the heart, but it also means more sex and less mouthin' off.”— Bryan Moore, Chris Peterson, Kristin Newman, Michael Kelso, Ashton Kutcher, imdb.com
“Oh, I am so excited to be in the food service industry. May I cut the cheese?”— Jennifer Ventimilia, Joshua Sternin, Fez, Wilmer Valderrama, imdb.com
“Seth: So when you lost your virginity, I was playing 'Magic: the Gathering.' Ryan: You still play Magic. Seth: Yeah, but not as much.”— Allan Heinberg, Seth Cohen, Adam Brody, imdb.com
“About a week ago I accidentally slept with a prostitute.”— Aaron Sorkin, Sam Seaborn, Rob Lowe, imdb.com
“Daphne: It's not like men have never used sex to get what they want. Frasier: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!”— Linda Morris, Vic Rauseo, Joe Keenan, Dr. Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com
“Mike Baxter: Hey babe. Vanessa Baxter: He-ey. Mike Baxter: What's the matter? Vanessa Baxter: Oh nothing. I'm just... I'm just right on that late afternoon fence where do I have another cup of coffee or just say screw it and pour my first glass of wine. Mike Baxter: Tough one. Vanessa Baxter: Well,…”— Kevin Hench, Vanessa Baxter, Nancy Travis, imdb.com
“Vanessa Baxter: [on Outdoor Man's Vlog] Come on down to Outdoor Man and get your husband off your back! And off your front. [winks] Mike Baxter: [turning off webcam] Are you crazy? You know our minister watches this? Vanessa Baxter: Oh please, he has eight kids, he knows what I'm talking about.”— Eben Russell, Vanessa Baxter, Nancy Travis, imdb.com
“The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old.”— Brenda Hsueh, Barney Stinson, Neil Patrick Harris, imdb.com
“I’m not ashamed of these stories; I just don’t relish the conversation that would come from telling them.”— Amanda Goldstein, thecut.com
“I’m embarrassed to admit how satisfying it felt to notch six inches on my ruler.”— C. Brian Smith, melmagazine.com
“Relationships are like sharks, Liz: if you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something's wrong”— Kay Cannon, Jenna Maroney, Jane Krakowski, imdb.com
“Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you're science. Tell her, Jack!”— Tina Fey, Kay Cannon, Tracy Jordan, Tracy Morgan, imdb.com
“Militia: I'm gonna get you pregnant later. Kelly: Won't your sister be jealous of us?”— Ivan Raimi, Sean Clements, Dominic Dierkes, Kelly Maxwell, Dana DeLorenzo, imdb.com
“Ilana: Abbi, truth or dare? Abbi: You know what, I'm gonna go with dare. Ilana: I dare you to suck Jeremy's dick.”— Tami Sagher, Ilana Wexler, Ilana Glazer, imdb.com