“This morning, someone recognized me on the street and said, 'I’m a huge fan of your effort.'”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Effort, fan, Work
“I always bring my baseball glove to the ballpark, just in case a falcon wants to land on my hand.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: baseball, Birds, Sports
“Fiji and I used to have the same number of Olympic gold medals. Touché, Fiji.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: olympics, fiji, Success
“Never tell a newly divorced masseuse to 'take your anger out on my shoulders.'””— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: massage, Divorce, spa
“If you wear a visor for longer than 3 minutes, you’re legally required to change your name to Trey.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: hats, Summer, clothing
“I don’t take my career for granted, which is why every April I renew my commercial crab fisherman’s license.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Career, back up plan, Fishing
“Upon death, instead of having my whole life flash before my eyes, I just want to watch Season 3 of The Sopranos again.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Television, Death, sopranos
“Given current weather trends, a Sharknado is a distinct possibility.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: sharknado, Movies, Weather, Rain
“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Anyway, I think you fractured my clavicle and I am going to sue.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Pick Up Lines, Health, Injury
“Finally saw Silence of the Lambs. Not that funny.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: silence of the lambs, Movies, comedy
“Every time I see a newborn, I'm reminded of how rare and beautiful it is to look into the face of someone who's never heard of Trump.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Donald Trump, babies, newborn, Election
“I’m down to 1%, but that should be just enough to finish this twe”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: cell phone, battery, Twitter
“I'm in Berlin to see the sights and catch some Pokemann.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Pokemon, travel, sightseeing
“Not only have I already purchased a gravesite, I visit it often and whisper, 'Soon, soon shall I sleep.'”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Death, Dying, graveyard
“There is a new exercise called “Rage Yoga” that encourages people to swear in between poses. Or as I call that, 'yoga.'”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: yoga, Cursing, Exercise
“Every generation just wants their kids to have a better “Spiderman” reboot than they did.””— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: spiderman, reboot, Movies
“A sadist enjoys hurting other people, a masochist goes camping.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: sadist, masochist, camping
“Open Tweet to Justin Bieber: You’re starting to make us teen heartthrobs look bad.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Justin Bieber, teenager, heartthrob
“So if I don't get caught it's a 'free sample' and if I do get caught it's 'stolen property, please come with me, sir?' Real double standard.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: Free, stolen, double standard
“I always keep a giant-brimmed ladies’ hat ready, in case I ever need to sit in back of an auction house and mysteriously place a winning bid.”— Conan O'Brien, twitter.comTagged: auction, Mystery, Money