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Jake Peralta

27 quotes

All Sex (4)Money (3)worst (2)Wine (2)Lies (2)sex tape (2)beauty and the beast (1)Old (1)Hyper Speed (1)Pity (1)rousing (1)suspect (1)Songs (1)busted (1)Hits (1)

From “M.E. Time”

God, you must have been the worst fourth grader ever.

worst fourth grader upset tattle tale Sassy

From “The Vulture”

Fine. But in protest, I'm walking over there extremely slowly!

Fine protest slowly

Jake: God, you had sex with a 68-year-old when you were in your 20s? Boyle: You know how it is, when you have a chance to bed an older woman, you- Jake: No, that's not an older woman; that's an old woman! That's someone's grandma!

Sex Old Grandma Bed Chance

From “Halloween”

I appealed to their sense of teamwork and camaraderie with a rousing speech that would put Shakespeare to shame.

appealed Sense Teamwork rousing Speech

I swear, these perps are so stupid. I'd make a better criminal than any of 'em.

swear perps Stupid criminal

Holt: I'm considering it. I'm interested. I agree to participate. Peralta: All right, there's the robot I fell in love with.

Robot Short sentences Love Participate

From “The Bet”

Say goodbye to this ring and everything it represents!

goodbye ring represents

From “Operation”

Boone: Detective Paralta. Your fly is down. I made you look. Jake: I didn't look. And I'm wearing shorts; there is no fly.

fly is down made you look Shorts fly

We've busted murderers; we've taken down cartels. But today we face the worst New York has to offer- the Fire Department.

busted murders cartels worst Fire Department

From “The Party”

Jake: Hello good sir, I would like your finest bottle of wine, please. Clerk: That will be $1,600. Jake: Great, I'd like your $8-Est bottle of wine, please.

finest bottle Wine Money cost

Aw, man. All the orange soda spilled out of my cereal.

orange soda cereal spill

Boyle: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy. Jake: No, it's probably just an empty white cube, with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

beauty and the beast fancy USB cubicle plug

Peralta: Hello good sir, I would like your finest bottle of wine, please. Clerk: That will be $1,600. Peralta: Great, I'd like your $8-Est bottle of wine, please.

Money Wine expensive Cheap

From “Unsolvable”

Terry: Or is your favorite artist really Taylor Swift? Peralta: [Scoffs] No. Technician: Lie. Peralta: Allright fine. She is. She makes me feels things.

Taylor Swift Lies Feelings Songs Hits

From “Charges and Specs”

Judge Mindel: This looks like it was filled out by a toddler! Now, we are going to have to go through this point-by-point. Justice cannot be rushed. Peralta: But could it be gently nudged into hyper speed? Judge Mindel: I take it you're the toddler.

toddler Justice Judge Hyper Speed Rushing

From “Jake and Sophia”

Judge Marinovich: A cop and a defense attorney sleeping together? That's highly unusual. Peralta: At the time I did not know she was a defense attorney. I should have been able to guess, however, based on her ability to lie all over me.

Punny Sex attorney Lies

From “Lockdown”

Peralta: Hey, Captain, I just sent you an email, uh... Holt: 'Dear Captain, we were all so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.' Sent from, 'My Stinky Butt.'

Email Condolences Loss Stinky Butt

From “Sabatoge”

Where were you? You were gone for three hours. I know because I sang 'This Is How We Do It' 143 times.

This Is How We Do It Singing Time Waiting

From “New Captain”

Amy: Yeah. I hope it wasn't a mistake. Peralta: 'I hope it wasn't a mistake,' title of your sex tape? [gasps] Title of our sex tape!

mistake Sex Regrets sex tape

From “Ava”

Sharon: Guys? My water just broke. Peralta: Don't worry about that, we'll just get you another one- oh, you mean your body water! That's much worse!

pregnant Water Broke Delievery

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