“God, you must have been the worst fourth grader ever.”Tagged: worst, fourth grader, upset, tattle tale, Sassy
“Jake: God, you had sex with a 68-year-old when you were in your 20s? Boyle: You know how it is, when you have a chance to bed an older woman, you- Jake: No, that's not an older woman; that's an old woman! That's someone's grandma!”Tagged: Sex, Old, Grandma, Bed, Chance
“I appealed to their sense of teamwork and camaraderie with a rousing speech that would put Shakespeare to shame.”Tagged: appealed, Sense, Teamwork, rousing, Speech
“I swear, these perps are so stupid. I'd make a better criminal than any of 'em.”Tagged: swear, perps, Stupid, criminal
“Holt: I'm considering it. I'm interested. I agree to participate. Peralta: All right, there's the robot I fell in love with.”Tagged: Robot, Short sentences, Love, Participate
“Boone: Detective Paralta. Your fly is down. I made you look. Jake: I didn't look. And I'm wearing shorts; there is no fly.”Tagged: fly is down, made you look, Shorts, fly
“We've busted murderers; we've taken down cartels. But today we face the worst New York has to offer- the Fire Department.”Tagged: busted, murders, cartels, worst, Fire Department
“Jake: Hello good sir, I would like your finest bottle of wine, please. Clerk: That will be $1,600. Jake: Great, I'd like your $8-Est bottle of wine, please.”Tagged: finest bottle, Wine, Money, cost
“Boyle: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy. Jake: No, it's probably just an empty white cube, with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.”Tagged: beauty and the beast, fancy, USB, cubicle, plug
“Peralta: Hello good sir, I would like your finest bottle of wine, please. Clerk: That will be $1,600. Peralta: Great, I'd like your $8-Est bottle of wine, please.”Tagged: Money, Wine, expensive, Cheap
“Terry: Or is your favorite artist really Taylor Swift? Peralta: [Scoffs] No. Technician: Lie. Peralta: Allright fine. She is. She makes me feels things.”Tagged: Taylor Swift, Lies, Feelings, Songs, Hits
“Judge Mindel: This looks like it was filled out by a toddler! Now, we are going to have to go through this point-by-point. Justice cannot be rushed. Peralta: But could it be gently nudged into hyper speed? Judge Mindel: I take it you're the toddler.”Tagged: toddler, Justice, Judge, Hyper Speed, Rushing
“Judge Marinovich: A cop and a defense attorney sleeping together? That's highly unusual. Peralta: At the time I did not know she was a defense attorney. I should have been able to guess, however, based on her ability to lie all over me.”Tagged: Punny, Sex, attorney, Lies
“Peralta: Hey, Captain, I just sent you an email, uh... Holt: 'Dear Captain, we were all so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.' Sent from, 'My Stinky Butt.'”Tagged: Email, Condolences, Loss, Stinky Butt
“Where were you? You were gone for three hours. I know because I sang 'This Is How We Do It' 143 times.”Tagged: This Is How We Do It, Singing, Time, Waiting
“Amy: Yeah. I hope it wasn't a mistake. Peralta: 'I hope it wasn't a mistake,' title of your sex tape? [gasps] Title of our sex tape!”Tagged: mistake, Sex, Regrets, sex tape
“Sharon: Guys? My water just broke. Peralta: Don't worry about that, we'll just get you another one- oh, you mean your body water! That's much worse!”Tagged: pregnant, Water Broke, Delievery