I am for open immigration but that sign we have on the front of the Statue of Liberty, ‘Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses...,’ can't we just say, ‘Hey, the door's open, we'll take whoever you got’? Do we have to specify the wretched refuse? I mean, why don't we just say, ‘Give us…
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Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld (born April 29, 1954) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is known for playing a semifictional version of himself in the sitcom Seinfeld, which he created and wrote with Larry David. Seinfeld was heavily involved in the Bee Movie, in which he voiced its protagonist. In 2010, he premiered a reality series called The Marriage Ref. He directed Colin Quinn in the Broadway show Long Story Short at the Helen Hayes Theater, which ran until January 2011. He is the creator and host of the web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. In his stand-up comedy career, Seinfeld is known for specializing in observational comedy, often ranting about relationships and embarrassing social situations. In 2005, Comedy Central named Seinfeld their "12th Greatest Stand-up Comedian of All Time". 2Early life Seinfeld was born in Brooklyn, New York. His father Kalmen Seinfeld collected jokes he heard while serving in World War II. His mother, Betty (née Hosni; born 1914), is of Syrian-Jewish descent; her parents Selim and Salha Hosni were from Alepp
Well, with so many people in the world deprived and unhappy, it doesn't seem like it would be fair to be cheerful.
Well, with so many people in the world deprived and unhappy, it doesn't seem like it would be fair to be cheerful.
Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is…
Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is…
What are lawyers, really? To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside of the top of the box. I think one…
What are lawyers, really? To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside of the top of the box. I think one…
Divorce is always hard. Especially on the kids. ‘Course I am the result of my parents having stayed together, so ya never know.
Divorce is very difficult. Especially on a kid. Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.
Because I snubbed her. You see? Women, they like that! Yes! I understand women. The snub is good, they love the snub.
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun: You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun: You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun: You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.
I am not gay. I am, however, thin, single, and neat. Sometimes when someone is thin, single, and neat people assume they are gay because that is a stereotype. They normally don't think of gay people as fat, sloppy, and married. Although I'm sure there are, I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype.…
I am not gay. I am, however, thin, single, and neat. Sometimes when someone is thin, single, and neat people assume they are gay because that is a stereotype. They normally don't think of gay people as fat, sloppy, and married. Although I'm sure there are, I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype.…
There's been a big misunderstanding here! We did that whole thing for your benefit. We knew you were eavesdropping. That's why my friend said all that. It was on purpose! We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that.
There's been a big misunderstanding here! We did that whole thing for your benefit. We knew you were eavesdropping. That's why my friend said all that. It was on purpose! We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of pretending to be excited every time it's somebody's birthday, you know what I mean? What is the big deal? How many times do we have to celebrate that someone was born? Every year, over and over. All you did was not die for twelve months. That's all…
I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of pretending to be excited every time it's somebody's birthday, you know what I mean? What is the big deal? How many times do we have to celebrate that someone was born? Every year, over and over. All you did was not die for twelve months. That's all…