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Jerry Seinfeld

496 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Apr 29, 1954 · United States Of America · Male

Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld (born April 29, 1954) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is known for playing a semifictional version of himself in the sitcom Seinfeld, which he created and wrote with Larry David. Seinfeld was heavily involved in the Bee Movie, in which he voiced its protagonist. In 2010, he premiered a reality series called The Marriage Ref. He directed Colin Quinn in the Broadway show Long Story Short at the Helen Hayes Theater, which ran until January 2011. He is the creator and host of the web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. In his stand-up comedy career, Seinfeld is known for specializing in observational comedy, often ranting about relationships and embarrassing social situations. In 2005, Comedy Central named Seinfeld their "12th Greatest Stand-up Comedian of All Time". 2Early life Seinfeld was born in Brooklyn, New York. His father Kalmen Seinfeld collected jokes he heard while serving in World War II. His mother, Betty (née Hosni; born 1914), is of Syrian-Jewish descent; her parents Selim and Salha Hosni were from Alepp

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From “The Raincoats”

Personal distance is a very important thing. There's a new personal distance, ATM distance. When someone's using an ATM, you wanna be about six feet back, don't you? Because people a little edgy around that ATM, don't they? They got their money out, their eyes are darting all around. The other place…

ATMs Personal Space urinals

Personal distance is a very important thing. There's a new personal distance, ATM distance. When someone's using an ATM, you wanna be about six feet back, don't you? Because people a little edgy around that ATM, don't they? They got their money out, their eyes are darting all around. The other place…

ATMs Personal Space urinals

Personal distance is a very important thing. There's a new personal distance, ATM distance. When someone's using an ATM, you wanna be about six feet back, don't you? Because people a little edgy around that ATM, don't they? They got their money out, their eyes are darting all around. The other place…

ATMs Personal Space urinals

You were making out during Schindler's List?

Schindler's List Holocaust Making Out Inappropriate

From “The Fire”

I mean, Bozo the Clown...does he really need ‘the clown’ in his title, as clown? Bozo, ‘the’ clown? Are we going to confuse him with Bozo the district attorney? Bozo the pope? There's no other Bozo.

Bozo the Clown Clowns Pope Redundancy

I mean, Bozo the Clown...does he really need ‘the clown’ in his title, as clown? Bozo, ‘the’ clown? Are we going to confuse him with Bozo the district attorney? Bozo the pope? There's no other Bozo.

Bozo the Clown Clowns Pope Redundancy

To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there...you're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know…

Birthdays Birthday Parties Infancy Senility old age

To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there...you're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know…

Birthdays Birthday Parties Infancy Senility old age

Hey, nice shoes. What, you wear sandals to work? It's always nice to walk into a room and get the aroma of feet. That's real conducive to the work atmosphere. I'm sure your coworkers really appreciate it. 'Hey, let's go eat in Toby's office. Great idea! We can check on her bunions!'

Heckling Foot Odor Offices

Hey, nice shoes. What, you wear sandals to work? It's always nice to walk into a room and get the aroma of feet. That's real conducive to the work atmosphere. I'm sure your coworkers really appreciate it. 'Hey, let's go eat in Toby's office. Great idea! We can check on her bunions!'

Heckling Foot Odor Offices

From “The Hamptons”

Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.

Ugly Babies Genetics DNA Gene Pool

Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.

Ugly Babies Genetics DNA Gene Pool

Is it me, or was that the ugliest baby you have ever seen?

Ugly Babies

Is it me, or was that the ugliest baby you have ever seen?

Ugly Babies

From “The Opposite”

A job with the New York Yankees! This has been the dream of my life ever since I was a child, and it's all happening because I'm completely ignoring every urge towards common sense and good judgment I've ever had. This is no longer just some crazy notion. Jerry, this is my religion.

Instinct Employment Religion Common Sense Good Judgment

I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met.

Opposite Mystery Dating

My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

Unemployment Failure to Launch Opposite

I'll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is: If you're going out with someone your size, right there you double your wardrobe.

Homosexuality Wardrobe

I'll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is: If you're going out with someone your size, right there you double your wardrobe.

Homosexuality Wardrobe

I'll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is: If you're going out with someone your size, right there you double your wardrobe.

Homosexuality Wardrobe

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