Mike Barker

40 quotes

Animator · United States Of America · Male

All Snark (3)Drinking Too Much (2)Funny (2)humor (2)Sex (2)Lies (2)Harry Potter (2)Life (2)You're A Bitch (1)married (1)Jenga (1)snail poison (1)Inappropriate (1)Language (1)Wipe Your Mouth (1)

From “Helping Handis”

“Stan: It's okay, son, you're experiencing a perfectly natural side effect called 'roid rage. Steve: Oh, I'm experiencing a side effect, all right! I have boobs! Stan: Oh, my God! Klaus: I know. Talk about a butterface.”

Tagged: Roid rage, Breast, Side effect, Butterface

From “With Friends Like Steve's”

“Stan, can we stop by church on the way to breakfast? Before I take my first sip of O.J., I like to take a big gulp of Jesus.”

Tagged: breakfast, Orange Juice, jesus, Church

From “Camp Refoogee”

“Ahh, basil and snail poison; the sweet smell of summer.”

Tagged: Gardening, Basil, snail poison, Summer, Smells Like Summer

“So this is a refugee camp? I have to say, not that bad. There's sun, sand - it's like Arizona. But here they probably celebrate Martin Luther King Day.”

Tagged: Refugee, Sun, Sand, Arizona, Martin Luther King Day

From “Failure is Not a Factory-Installed Option”

“Aw, Steve, your first gropefest. You won't truly appreciate the awkwardness of this moment until you're fondly reminiscing as a 35-year-old homosexual.”

Tagged: Gropefest, Awkwardness, Homosexual

From “Iced, Iced Babies”

“Roger: You just earned yourself a week of detention! Hayley: There's no detention in college. Roger: Oh. Right. Well, then I'm taking away fifty points from Gryffindor!!”

Tagged: detention, College, Gryffindor, punishment, Harry Potter

From “Of Ice and Men”

“Stan: Roger? Where did you learn to skate? Roger: On my planet. You really haven't read my MySpace page, have you? You say you have, but you really haven't.”

Tagged: Skate, planet, MySpace, Read, Lies

“Ah, Saturday. Sunday's Friday.”

Tagged: Weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday

From “Irregarding Steve”

“Isn't this the Hollywood Stock Exchange? You know, where you buy and sell celebrity stocks based on the ups and down of their careers?”

Tagged: Hollywood, Stock Exchange, celebrity, Socks, Careers

From “Bush Comes to Dinner”

“Lies. It's like you have to lie to live. You're a lie-abetic. You have lie-abetes. Twice a day, you have to take a shot of insu-lyin'.”

Tagged: Lies, Life, lying, Living a Lie, Puns

From “American Dream Factory”

“Francine: You want your money, you unsupportive jerk? Fine! Here's your $5,000 back. Stan: You made all this in one day? Francine: That's right, I did. Through hard work and giving people incorrect change.”

Tagged: Money, Cash, Jerk, Unsupportive, Hard Work

“Hayley: What happened to the land of the free? These people have the right to be here. Stan: People? They're parasites sucking on the rich blood of America. And we need that blood to shed for oil.”

Tagged: Land of the free, Parasites, America, Blood, oil

From “Black Mystery Month”

“Steve: You mean Jenga? Roger: Well, I think it's pronounced Henga, but if you wanna crap all over the Spanish language, go ahead.”

Tagged: Jenga, spanish, Language, Pronounced

From “An Apocalypse to Remember”

“Oh, I tell a great story and I'm a liar, but Harry Potter does it and he's your favorite writer.”

Tagged: Liar, Harry Potter, Favorite, writer, Story

“All I have to do is get married by next week and I can get my blender in time for Grey's Anatomy!”

Tagged: married, Deadline, Blender, Grey's Anatomy

“Can you believe we're going to meet Denzel Washington! He's like Harrison Ford dipped in chocolate!”

Tagged: Denzel Washington, Harrison Ford, chocolate

From “Joint Custody”

“None of us get to choose our fathers, but we do get to choose our father figures. I chose my mother. That set me back a bit.”

Tagged: Fathers, Father Figure, mother, Choice

From “The Vacation Goo”

“Nothing bonds a family like a dark, horrible secret.”

Tagged: Bonds, Family, dark, horrible, Secret

From “Phantom of the Telethon”

“Let's try that on the fart setting.”

Tagged: Fart, setting, Different Settings

From “My Morning Straitjacket”

“Spoiler alert, the sweet potatoes SUCK! How'd you get the sweet out of the potatoes, Frannie?”

Tagged: Spoiler Alert, Sweet Potatoes, suck, Gross

Mike Barker

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