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Shaun

26 quotes

All zombies (3)Fuck (3)Hip-Hop (1)get fucked (1)Dire Straits (1)false rape allegations (1)Burglar (1)Pie (1)compartmentalizing (1)Flowers (1)Prick (1)Batman (1)Slapstick (1)butter (1)Sade (1)

From “Shaun of the Dead”

Shaun: [shouts] What am I doing? What are you doing, you stupid moron? Ed: Fuck off! Shaun: [shouts] You fuck off! Fuck fucking off! I’ve spent...look at me! I’ve spent my entire life sticking my neck out for you, and all you ever do is fuck things up! Fuck things up and make me look stupid! Well,…

Fuck fuck off stupdendous

[Shaun and Ed pull up to Barbara’s house and sees Philip’s Jaguar in the driveway] Ed: Oh! Hello! Who’s a pretty boy, then? [wolf whistle] You didn’t tell me Barbara had a Jag. I’ve always wanted to drive one of those. Shaun: Yeah, well, it’s Philip’s, okay? He won’t let anybody near it. Honestly, I…

Jaguar Fuck

Shaun: No, Noel, no matter you might think, okay, I do not find it difficult to keep my work and my social life separate. Worker: Shaun, it’s Liz for you. [hands him the phone]

compartmentalizing Work Life personal life

Ed: I’m sorry, Shaun. Shaun: It’s OK. Ed: No, I’m sorry, Shaun. Shaun: What? [smells Ed’s fart] Oh, God, that’s rotten! Ed: I’ll stop doing it when you stop laughing! Shaun: I am not laughing.

Farts cropdusting

Ed: [Directing Shaun on where to shoot] There! Shaun: Where? Ed: Three o’clock! Dianne: Oh! Over there again. Quarter to twelve. Shaun: What? David: Eleven forty-five! Shaun: Keep it simple! Ed: Top left.

clockwise shooting

If you get cornered...[hits himself on head with cricket bat]...bash ’em in the head, that seems to work. Ow.

self-harm Slapstick

David: Basically, I’d say your nine lives are up, Shaun. Shaun: Get fucked, four eyes! Why don’t you go out with her if you love her so much? David: What do you mean by that? [storms off] Well, I don’t know what he meant by that. [uncomfortable silence]

get fucked four eyes Nine Lives

[Shaun hands Liz a bunch of flowers] Shaun: Got you these. [Liz reads the label] Liz: ‘To a wonderful mum’? Shaun: [sniggers] Oooh! Yeah, that’s, because...I thought, it would be, funny, because of what you said last night about me y’know, don’t wanna be my mum and that. It’s just a little joke,…

Flowers Regifting

David: You still haven’t met his mum? Shaun: Not yet! Dianne: Don’t you get on with your mum, Shaun? Shaun: It’s not that I don’t get on with her... David: Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun? Shaun: No! I love my mum! Ed: I love his mum, too. Shaun: Ed! Ed: [singing] She’s like butter! Shaun: Ed.

mum mother butter

Ed: See? You don’t need Liz to have a good time. Shaun: Oh, don’t, man. Ed: No! Go ahead, look at me. Can I just say one more thing? I’m not gonna say, you know, there’s plenty more fish in the sea. I’m not going to say if you love her, let her go. And I’m not going to bombard you with clichés. But…

Cliches plenty of fish

Shaun: [about Ed] Oh, he sells a bit of weed every now and again, you know. You’ve sold puff. Pete: Yeah. Once. At college. To you.

Weed College

Shaun: Well maybe one should do the other, and then do themselves. Liz: Oh maybe you should do me, I’ll only muck it up if I have to do myself. [Shaun mimes shooting Liz and then himself, to see how it feels] Shaun: You know, I don’t think I’ve got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum, and my…

Cigarettes Mortality

Shaun: Pete? Pete? Ed: Why don’t we just go up? Shaun: No. No. Wait. No. No! Don’t go up there! Ed: Why not? Shaun: Because A, he might be one of them, and B, he might still be annoyed. Pete? Maybe he went into work. Ed: Well, how come he didn’t drive? His keys are still here. Shaun: Well, maybe he…

annoyed Prick

Shaun: Mum, look, what would you say if I told you that over the years Philip’s been quite unkind to me? Barbara: Well, you weren’t always the easiest person to live with. Shaun: Mum, he chased me around the garden with a bit of wood! Barbara: Well, you did call him a you-know-what! Shaun: Oh what,…

Motherfucker unkind false rape allegations

Ed: [sees a zombified Pete] Hey, Shaun, look who it is! Shaun: Fuck-a-doodle-do.

Fuck

Pete: It’s four in the fucking morning! Shaun: It’s Saturday! Pete: No, it’s not. It’s fucking Sunday. And I’ve got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours ’cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I’m SO FUCKING ANGRY? Ed: Fuck, yeah.

Fucking angry Work

Liz: You hang out with my friends? Sorry, a failed actress and a twat? Shaun: Well, that’s a bit harsh. Liz: Your words! Shaun: I did NOT call Dianne a failed actress.

twat failed actress

Ed: Any zombies out there? Shaun: Don’t say that! Ed: What? Shaun: That! Ed: What? Shaun: The zed-word. Don’t say it! Ed: Why not? Shaun: Because it’s ridiculous! Ed: All right...are there any out there, though? [Looking out of the letter box, he sees an empty street] Shaun: I can’t see any. Maybe…

zombies zed

Barbara: [over the phone] Some men tried to get into the house. Shaun: Well, are they still there? Barbara: [over the phone] I’m not sure, we’ve shut the curtains. Shaun: Did you try the police? Barbara: [over the phone] Well, I thought about it. Shaun: Are you OK? Did they hurt you? Barbara: [over…

Burglar zombies

Shaun: [about Ed] I’ve known him since primary school, you know? I like having him around, he’s a laugh. Pete: What, because he can impersonate an orangutan? Fuck-a-doodle-doo! Shaun: Oh, leave him alone. Pete: All right, I admit, he can pretty funny on occasion. Like that time we stayed up all…

schnapps orangutan

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