“Some people say their wedding was the best day of their lives. I’m guessing they’ve never had two candy bars fall out of the vending machine simultaneously.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Marriage, wedding, candy, Irony
“Wife: ‘Can I spend $20,000 on breast implants?’ Husband: ‘Why don’t you just rub toilet paper all over your chest?’ Wife: ‘I don’t get it.’ Husband: ‘Worked on your ass, didn’t it?’”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Marriage, husband, Wife, Breast Implants, Toilet Paper
“Husband [in front of the mirror]: ‘Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and bald?’ Wife: ‘I do.’”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: looks, Aging, Marriage, ugly, fat
“Wife [in front of the mirror]: ‘I feel ugly. Give me a compliment to make me feel better.’ Husband: ‘Your vision is absolutely perfect.’”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: looks, Mirror, ugly, husband, Wife
“Husband: ‘Wanna know when you orgasm next.’ Wife: ‘I’d rather not interrupt you at work.’”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: orgasm, Satisfaction, Marriage, masturbation, Cheating
“How does a man really satisfy his wife in bed? By sleeping on the sofa.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Sex, Satisfied, Marriage, Wife, dirty
“What’s the difference between a bride-to-be and groom-to-be? A bride-to-be wants a shower. A groom-to-be wants to get as dirty as possible before his Big Day.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Bride, Groom, Bridal Shower, Irony, dirty
“Single guys often dream about having a smart, beautiful, caring wife. So do most married men.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Single, married, Misery, Marriage
“Why didn’t the man speak to his wife for years on end? She told him never to interrupt.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Silent Treatment, Marriage, Unhappy Marriage
“Which one of your kids will never grow up and move out of the house? Your husband.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Failure to Launch, Marriage, husband, Immaturity
“What does every heterosexual man realize ten years into marriage? Why ’gay’ also means happy.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Heterosexual, Homosexual, gay, straight, Happy
“What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long sweet dream. Marriage is more of a nightmare.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Love, Marriage, Dream, Nightmare
“Husband: ‘Just once I wish you’d admit I’m right!’ Wife: ‘Just once, I wish you’d admit you’re wrong!’ Husband: ‘Fine! I’m wrong!’ Wife: ‘Finally, something you’re right about!’”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Marriage, argument, Right, Wrong
“I’ve spent five years searching for my husband’s killer. Still can’t find anyone to do it.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Domestic Violence, Domestic Murder, Irony
“What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Love, Marriage, Love Is Blind
“How is a wife like a freezer? It takes hours of defrosting to get either really wet.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Wife, Freezer, Defrosting, Vaginal Lubrication, arousal
“How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Fox, Elephant, Marriage, Fat shaming
“How are marriages like fat people? Most of them don’t work out.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Marriage, Fat shaming, Weight Gain
“What’s the difference between ‘incomplete’ and ‘finished’? A man without a wife feels incomplete. Once married, he’s finished.”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: Incomplete, Finished, Marriage, Loneliness, Destruction
“Wife: ‘I love you.’ Husband: ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’ Wife: ‘It’s me. Talking to the wine.’”— Unknown, tcat.tcTagged: husband, Wife, Wine, Drunk