Quote
Catalog

Website

30 Dirty Jokes About Love And Marriage That Are Kind Of Offensive

(But Also Hilarious)by Unknown(27 total)

Some people say their wedding was the best day of their lives. I’m guessing they’ve never had two candy bars fall out of the vending machine simultaneously.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Marriage wedding candy Irony

Wife: ‘Can I spend $20,000 on breast implants?’ Husband: ‘Why don’t you just rub toilet paper all over your chest?’ Wife: ‘I don’t get it.’ Husband: ‘Worked on your ass, didn’t it?’

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Marriage husband Wife Breast Implants Toilet Paper

Husband [in front of the mirror]: ‘Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and bald?’ Wife: ‘I do.’

— Unknown, tcat.tc

looks Aging Marriage ugly fat

Wife [in front of the mirror]: ‘I feel ugly. Give me a compliment to make me feel better.’ Husband: ‘Your vision is absolutely perfect.’

— Unknown, tcat.tc

looks Mirror ugly husband Wife

Husband: ‘Wanna know when you orgasm next.’ Wife: ‘I’d rather not interrupt you at work.’

— Unknown, tcat.tc

orgasm Satisfaction Marriage masturbation Cheating

How does a man really satisfy his wife in bed? By sleeping on the sofa.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Sex Satisfied Marriage Wife dirty

What’s the difference between a bride-to-be and groom-to-be? A bride-to-be wants a shower. A groom-to-be wants to get as dirty as possible before his Big Day.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Bride Groom Bridal Shower Irony dirty

Single guys often dream about having a smart, beautiful, caring wife. So do most married men.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Single married Misery Marriage

Why didn’t the man speak to his wife for years on end? She told him never to interrupt.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Silent Treatment Marriage Unhappy Marriage

Which one of your kids will never grow up and move out of the house? Your husband.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Failure to Launch Marriage husband Immaturity

What does every heterosexual man realize ten years into marriage? Why ’gay’ also means happy.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Heterosexual Homosexual gay straight Happy

What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long sweet dream. Marriage is more of a nightmare.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Love Marriage Dream Nightmare

Husband: ‘Just once I wish you’d admit I’m right!’ Wife: ‘Just once, I wish you’d admit you’re wrong!’ Husband: ‘Fine! I’m wrong!’ Wife: ‘Finally, something you’re right about!’

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Marriage argument Right Wrong

I’ve spent five years searching for my husband’s killer. Still can’t find anyone to do it.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Domestic Violence Domestic Murder Irony

What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Love Marriage Love Is Blind

How is a wife like a freezer? It takes hours of defrosting to get either really wet.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Wife Freezer Defrosting Vaginal Lubrication arousal

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Fox Elephant Marriage Fat shaming

How are marriages like fat people? Most of them don’t work out.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Marriage Fat shaming Weight Gain

What’s the difference between ‘incomplete’ and ‘finished’? A man without a wife feels incomplete. Once married, he’s finished.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Incomplete Finished Marriage Loneliness Destruction

Wife: ‘I love you.’ Husband: ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’ Wife: ‘It’s me. Talking to the wine.’

— Unknown, tcat.tc

husband Wife Wine Drunk

WM W KM W KK M M W W W W &WW WWW& WWW W MM WM W WWW K M WMW WWM WWW WWWW WWM WWW WWW WW WWWW &W& WWW W W W WWW KWWW W W W W &W W W W W WWK WW K&W MW W W& WW W KW WK W W WWKWW K&W W W WM W KMW WWW W MW W W W& W W W WW W& W W W MW W W W W W WW W WW M W W WW WW W W WM W W WK W WW W W W W W& W MW W W W& W WW W & K M &WK K M WMK MW& WW MW WM & KWM KW & W W KW K K & K W& K W& WWK W& K & W & & M W&M& &M KM K & WW K KW& & KW KM WM&& && W KM && WK K M KWW W M K K& && K& M M& WW &W W W WW WW KW W W K WM W W W& W W W W W WW & WW WW W W W WK WW W W W&WK MW K W W& W K K W& MW W W MW &W W W WW M W W WK W&&W W WW W W W M WW WW W W W& W W W W W &W WK W W M W W W W W WWW KW WWWWW W W W W & MM W W & WM WK W W WKKM WW W WWWW KWWW WWWK WWWW W W W KWWW M WWW & W &WWW W WWW WWWW & W WWW W K& W MWKW WWW KK W WWW &K WWWW W WWW WWWW WW WMW WW & W WW W MWWM W W WW WMWWW WM &W W WK W&WW MW&WW WWMW WK W& W WMWW WW&W WW&W& KWKW W&WW WMWWWWW WWKW WMWW WW&W W&MW WMMW WKWW MW W & W KW W W W& KW WWK &WK&W MM W W &W WW WM& WM W&KW W W WMW W W W W W WKKMKW& W W MMKWK&W W MMWW&&W WW W W WWWW W WWWW &W W WW WMWW K WW W WWWW WW WW WWWW W&MW WK KW KW&W WMWM W W W MW&W WWWW W WW WMWW WWWW WMWM WW W W WW W W W W W KM W W WWW W WWWW MWWW WW WWWW WWW& WWW W W KWWW WWW WWWW WWWW WWW& WWW WW KM W WWWW W &W W W WWWW WWW &WW WWWW KWWW W WW W W W W WW W W W &W&&W W W W W WW& K&WW W W W W &&W W W &W W &KW W &W W WM W W WW&WW WW W&&W M&W W WK W WWKWW W W W W&KW W M W W& W W W W MW &W W W &W W W W W W W W MW W W W MW WW W W WW WW W W W W W W M K &W KM & W && & & K& & & & & K & & W & MK K& &K M M &WK MM W K KKK &KK&K KK &&MMMM&&&&&&&MMMMMMMM&&&&M&&&&K&&M WWWWWWW &KW K W K KKKKKK&&K K K KMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWK WWWWK MWW &M&&KMMM&KKKKKKK KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW KWK KW WWWWW MWM&W

* * } } } } * } * } } } } } } } } * } } } } * } * } } } * }} } * } }} } * * } } * } } } } } * } } }} } } } } } } } } } }} } } } } } } } } * } } } } } } } } * } * } * * } * * } } } } * } * * * } } } * } } } } } } * } } * } } } } } } } } } } } } } } } * * } } } * }} } } * } **}}} }***}}}}}*}*}*}}}}}}}*}}}}}} }} } }}}}}}}*}}}}}}}}} }}}}}}}}}}}}}} } }} } }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} } }}}

o V j o U j j j j o U U o j U o o U V o U o U o o j o o Uj U Uo U V o U j Uo UU j U o U j UjU o o o oUo j j U o j UV jU o oV Uj o o U UV U oU oo U V U oo UVj o j o U j jV Vj Vj j jU UU j U j j U V U j U U U U o j oV j oV j j V V U Vj oj U VU oj j V U V V Vj V jV U j V U UU j V U VU V j U j UU j j o V U V V V VVV o V VU j j VU j o U V VV V U V V V oV U U V o V UV o V j U U VV j U V jo j j j j ojjjo U j U UV o j o U V V o o U U j j o U V o jVj U U V j j jV j o o V j jU o o U V V V j U U U U V o V V o U j o U j U U o o U U U V o o V V oj VU Vj VU Uo j U V jj o U V V U jU U o o V oj UU j V UU V o j o o V U j j oU U jV U o o jU o jV U o U V jV j oU o jo oU o jj j o V j o o oU UU UVVUUUUVoU U VVUVUUVVUVUVVjj Uj U j jj jjjjj j jU UUVUU VVU UU VoV jjjV j j jjooojjj jjjjj jUjjj VjjjjoV jj jj jjjjjjjj jjjjjjjj jjjjj

W & M M M & M M & & K M & K & M K K K &M M M K &K & KW K & W & M & K K W W W M W & K K K K K M K M & K K K KM& M M W K WM &&& &WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM K WW W WWWMWWWWWWWWWW&WWWWW&WWWWWWWWWK WWW WK K M&W&WWMWWW WW& KWWWW MWWWW WWMM MM&MWWWW KK & WWWW MWWW MMK&K & WWW& &WWWWW WWWM M KM K K& KM& KMWWW WWWWWWWK K WWWWWMW & &WW& KMMM& K&K&MK WWWWWWWW WWWWWWWW&W KKM WKMKMM&&WMK&M&WWWM & WWWWWWWW& WWWWWWWWM MWKK K K &WWM M MM&KKW& &WWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWMKW W MWMKKK W WW WWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWW && &W WWW &MMWWWWWW MWWWWWWWWWM KWMWM M W KWWWWM WWWWWWW K&WWWK K KWW MK WWWWWM WWW W W WWW WWWW &WM MWW WWK & WWW WWWK WM

, , , : . . , : , ., . : :: ,, : : , , : . , : , : ,,...,,,,,,,,,::, , .,,,,,:,::::::,.,, , . , ,,,,,,.,,,,.,,. . : ., . ........,... :: : ,,.,,. . ....... , : . .,,,,,:. ....... : ,::: ,, ...... : :: ,,:,:, , .... . ,:,,, :, .:.. .. ,::. : : : .:. ., : . : :, ..,,:..,: :. ,. :.. , ,:::, ,,, : . . :.,,: . ,,,. , ,,.. ., , . , :,:,,. ,: . . . ,, :::::.,.. , : .. . ,. .

}<} * < *~ } }< **<*~*~ * *< }~}} <* } < * < < ~ * *}*** ~* }} * *} ~ < } < < ~ * } < * } } } } } }~ ~ < * } } } ~ ~ } <~ } * }}}} } } ~} } } }*} } * }* < }<< }} * * ** } < * < *~}*} } < * * } * * } <*~~ <*}<*<<<<~< }}}< }} ~~ } ~ * < } } ~ <} ** <~ ~ < ~ < ~~ <} * < } ~ <~~ < ~~ ~ <* } * <<~ < ~ * < < } ~ < ~ <~ } ~ * < } ~* < ~~ ~~~ } < ~ * ~ * <<<<~ ~ * ~ } ~ <*~<~~ }* * } ~<<~~~ < ~ } * < ~ <<<< ~* ~* * <

o o Vj o o j VV V o o j UjUoVVUUU U VV V VVV Uo j UUjooj U oU jVV j o V j U V o j oo V oU jo j j j U o j o UjU j UUUoVo UVo jjo ooVojVU VUo o V U oV jo oUUj V o U oj Uj o jo U j UVojU jjj Vj o U Vo UU V ooooUj jVjooj o o j oj VV jV V UVo V o VV jjVo Ujo Ujj o Ujo Vjo V Uoj U o V V Vj o j j jo V oV V o j ojojj j V j o Vo j VUVVVUUUUUUU V V o VVV o U j V V V oV U o j j o UU UU V j V o o U VU V j o UU V j VU V j UU Vo V o V j j U U U U U o VjU U U j Uj VU jU o jUUo j U V UU U U U Voj j o UUV U U U V UU j o V