Season 2

“Man, repressing your feelings is great.”

— Andrew Law, Michael, Ted Danson, imdb.com

“I know it sounds crazy, but if it weren’t crazy, they wouldn’t call it a leap of faith. They’d call it a sit of doubting.”

— Christopher Encell, Eleanor Shellstrop, Kristen Bell, imdb.com

“You know the sound that a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That's the sound my brain makes all the time.”

— Tyler Straessle, Chidi Anagonye, William Jackson Harper, imdb.com

“Wait a few trillion years, the guilt will fade.”

— Andrew Law, Chidi Anagonye, William Jackson Harper, imdb.com

“I don't know about you guys, but I am definitely the best version of myself.”

— Tyler Straessle, Eleanor Shellstrop, Kristen Bell, imdb.com

“Life has an end, and therefore our actions have meaning.”

— Michael Schur, Chidi Anagonye, William Jackson Harper, imdb.com

“He's having an existential crisis. It's a sort of anguish people go through when they contemplate the silent indifference of our empty universe.”

— Michael Schur, Chidi Anagonye, William Jackson Harper, imdb.com

“All humans are aware of death. So we're all a little bit sad all the time. That's just the deal.”

— Michael Schur, Eleanor Shellstrop, Kristen Bell, imdb.com

“Here's the thing. I'm nice to you, and you're mean to me. There's something wrong about that, but I can't put my finger on what it is.”

— Michael Schur, Jason Mendoza, Manny Jacinto, imdb.com

“You know my whole life, whenever I encountered any obstacles, I would simply say, 'I would like to speak to a manager.' But in our relationship, there was no manager. There was no one who could fix this for me except me.”

— Michael Schur, Tahani Al-Jamil, Jameela Jamil, imdb.com

“We don't make any sense together, and yet, when I'm with you, I can really let my hair down, metaphorically speaking of course, because I'd never have it up in the first place. I'm not a factory worker.”

— Michael Schur, Tahani Al-Jamil, Jameela Jamil, imdb.com

“You know, I had a friend that said whenever she was doing something bad, she'd hear this this little voice in her head, distant little voice, saying, 'Oh, come on now. You know this is wrong.' And then when she started doing good things, that voice went away. It was a relief.”

— Michael Schur, Michael, Ted Danson, imdb.com

“What if lying is ethical in this situation? What if certain actions aren't universally good or bad?”

— Michael Schur, Eleanor Shellstrop, Kristen Bell, imdb.com

“As long as I'm with you guys, I'm always in the fake Good Place.”

— Michael Schur, Michael, Ted Danson, imdb.com

“Eleanor: The little voice in your head sounds like the old lady from Downton Abbey? Tahani: Oh, yeah, sorry. Maggie Smith is my godmother.”

— Michael Schur, Tahani Al-Jamil, Jameela Jamil, imdb.com

“Oh, spare me the sanctimonious lecture. You never cared about me. In the words of one of my actual friends: Ya basic. It's a human insult. It's devastating. You're devastated right now.”

— Megan Amram, Joe Mande, Michael, Ted Danson, imdb.com

“Michael: It's a torture museum. Famous examples of bad behavior, and explanations of the torture they earned. Jason: Is there a gift shop? Michael: Jason, this is Hell. Of course there's a gift shop.”

— Jen Statsky, Daniel Schofield, Michael, Ted Danson, imdb.com

“All I've ever really wanted was to know what it feels like to be human, and now we're going to do the most human thing of all: attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence and fail spectacularly!”

— Tyler Straessle, Michael, Ted Danson, imdb.com

“No one can ever truly turn over a new leaf. Sure, Ben Affleck told me he'd matured as an artist after he directed 'Argo,' but then, right on schedule, it was, 'Guess what, Tahani, I'm gonna be Batman.'”

— Christopher Encell, Tahani Al-Jamil, Jameela Jamil, imdb.com

“I mean, whenever I would do something crappy on Earth, there would be a little tiny voice in the back of my head that would say, 'Eleanor, don't grab that handful of olives from the salad bar. You know, you didn't pay for that,' or 'Eleanor, don't spit those olive pits onto the floor of the grocery…”

— Cord Jefferson, Eleanor Shellstrop, Kristen Bell, imdb.com