“Fact it my ideal girlfriend is hot, smart, funny, into motorcycles & deaf. If I actually found her, I'd walk away from Brooklyn Decker in a heartbeat.”— Becky Hartman Edwards, Emmett Bledsoe, Sean Berdy, imdb.com
“My kids were fighting over whether an imaginary cake was strawberry or chocolate. I told them to just make two imaginary cakes. They said they didn't have enough ingredients.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“You wanna talk about awkward moments? Once, during sex, I called Lois 'Frank.' Your move, Sherlock.”— Mike Shipley, Jim Bernstein, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once. Brian Griffin: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?”— Chris Sheridan, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“[about Peter] This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep.”— Neil Goldman, Garrett Donovan, Lois Griffin (voice), Alex Borstein, imdb.com
“I can be just as non-competitive as anybody. Matter of fact, I'm the most non-competitive. So I win.”— Neil Goldman, Garrett Donovan, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: There's gotta be an explanation for all this! Brian Griffin: You want an explanation? [smacks Peter] GOD... IS...PISSED!”— Chris Sheridan, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“What's that? Oh yes, yes. I love crack. I'm absolutely coo-coo for crack!”— Mike Barker, Matt Weitzman, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“I have an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about.”— Mike Barker, Matt Weitzman, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Meg Griffin: Yeah, why are we here in this bomb shelter when I could be getting felt up by Kevin? Lois Griffin: Now don't give it to him all at once, honey, make him work for it.”— Neil Goldman, Garrett Donovan, Meg Griffin (voice), Mila Kunis, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: This party couldn't be better if Jesus was here. Jesus: For my next miracle, I will turn water... into FUNK.”— Danny Smith, Seth MacFarlane, David Zuckerman, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Lois: Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane. Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli! Damn you! And damn the Wright Brothers!”— Seth MacFarlane, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up literally everything.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“Morty, you gotta flip 'em off. I told them it means 'peace among worlds.' How hilarious is that!”— Dan Guterman, Justin Roiland, Dan Harmon, Rick Sanchez (voice), Justin Roiland, imdb.com
“Death doesn't really bother me unless it's someone I know. And even then, if it happens in a funny way, like my cousin who, honest to God, was flattened by a steamroller... I still actually enjoy it.”— Debra Fordham, Perry Cox, John C. McGinley, imdb.com
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”— Zach Galifianakis, thoughtcatalog.com