“I showed that kid my penis and restored order to the universe. It's called the boy scout rule of 'D's. And it always works.”— Blake Anderson, Adam DeMamp, Adam DeVine, imdb.com
“You got the huge vagina and you're blaming it on the small penis. You know, it's not really necessary.”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.com
“I gotta check out my penis, I have to go to the doctor now? That's going to be a lot of fun; 'Where'd you get the rash?' 'Oh, I stuck a doll's head down my pants, Doctor. It feels good to me!'”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.com
“Walter: Are you Jewish? Larry: You wanna check my penis?”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.com
“Charlotte: We've been trying, you know, to... Samantha: Fuck? Charlotte: Whatever. And it's just not... Samantha: Getting big and hard? Carrie: What is this, dirty Mad Libs?”— Jenny Bicks, Carrie Bradshaw, Sarah Jessica Parker, imdb.com
“Well, I didn't see a penis today, but I definitely saw a big dick.”— Micah Schraft, Jennie Snyder Urman, Darci Factor, Justina Machado, imdb.com
“Bay: I mean, do churchy people even go in for bachelorette parties? Daphne: C'mon, we don't have to have a penis piñata, but we can still have some fun!”— James Stoteraux, Chad Fiveash, Daphne Vasquez, Katie Leclerc, imdb.com
“Rob Norris: If I thrust too deeply, will my penis latch onto the IUD coil thingy and pull it out? Sharon Morris: Yeah. No, it's fine. They put it more than two and a half inches inside me.”— Sharon Horgan, Rob Delaney, Sharon Morris, Sharon Horgan, imdb.com
“Randy Marsh: Alright, now listen kids. There's some things that we need to put into context for you. You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina for both love and pleasure. But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man facing the other way so that they can put each other's genitals in their…”— Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com
“Hmm. Work for you, have my penis cut off. Work for you, have my penis cut off. Hmm, let's see.”— Nancy Pimental, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com
“I would give her dick and bubblegum. I would send her a picture of my dick and a pack of bubblegum and say; chew on this.”— Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, imdb.com
“Clyde: Well looks like someone is going to have to take another trip down to the penis cake bakery, Doug. Doug: Well what can I say, they make great cakes.”— Karin Gist, Doug Guggenheim, Josh Lawson, imdb.com
“We've all seen penises we weren't supposed to see.”— Blake Anderson, Adam DeMamp, Adam DeVine, imdb.com
“Don't be sorry, you should be with someone your own age who will go agro on you and will put your penis in a cage, but that's not me.”— Eric Zicklin, Dottie Dartland Zicklin, Liza Miller, Sutton Foster, imdb.com
“Poovey: I can never unsee him naked. Archer: I mean, the size of that thing. Poovey: Haul that big bastard out and you can use it as an umbrella stand.”— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com
“Butt-head: Face it, Beavis, you have a problem with your penis. Maybe you should wash it or something. Beavis: Yeah, I'll just…wait, with water? No way, then it'll get all wet.”— Joe Stillman, Beavis, Mike Judge, imdb.com
“Diaz: Look, man. Nobody's ever gonna see that footage; the case was cut and dry. It's not like I'm dying to tell anyone I saw your- Boyle: Benny and the Jets.”— Michael Schur, Daniel J. Goor, Charles Boyle, Joe Lo Truglio, imdb.com