Quotes tagged ‘penis’

“Based on porn, you might think there’s something wrong with you if you don’t have a big penis that can always get and stay hard and last as long as you want. But it’s important to remember that porn doesn't always reflect reality.”

— Suzanne Weiss, teenvogue.com

“Intimacy is like putting your wiener on a table and having someone say ‘That looks like a penis... only smaller.’”

— Mike Myers, Graham Gordy, Guru Pitka, Mike Myers, imdb.com

“I don't feel like there's anything mannish about me, except maybe what I might have between me down there, which is my little personal thing, so...”

— Jennie Livingston, Herself, Anji Xtravaganza, imdb.com

“She didn’t marry your penis...Okay, she didn’t only marry your penis.”

— Michael Crichton, Anne-Marie Martin, Dr. Melissa Reeves, Jami Gertz, imdb.com

“[Lewis and Gilbert are discussing Gilbert's girlfriend, innocently] Booger: Big deal! Did you get in her pants? Gilbert: She's not that kind of girl, Booger. Booger: Why? Does she have a penis?”

— Tim Metcalfe, Miguel Tejada-Flores, Jeff Buhai, Steve Zacharias, 'Booger' Dawson, Curtis Armstrong, imdb.com

“Officer Sacks: What do you have in your pants? Thor: My penis? Officer Sacks: Pull it out. Thor: I also have a big dick.”

— Lee Eisenberg, Gene Stupnitsky, Beth Stelling, Thor, Brady Noon, imdb.com

“I just wish you could see your dick the way I do.”

— Mark Levin, Andrew Goldberg, Jennifer Flackett, Nick Kroll, Maury the Hormone Monster, Nick Kroll, imdb.com

“[Chris Knight is trying to hit on Susan, a beautiful woman he finds in Professor Hathaway's house] Chris Knight: So, if there's anything I can do for you—or, more to the point, to you—just let me know. Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis? Chris Knight: Not right no…”

— Neal Israel, Pat Proft, Peter Torokvei, Chris Knight, Val Kilmer, imdb.com

“Josh: Why were you trying to put your penis in a toilet roll? Tom: Because I'm curious-- I'm a curious guy.”

— Hannah Gadsby, Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Tom, Thomas Ward, imdb.com

“Does your husband have a very large and/or interesting penis that's tempering your ability to make rational decisions?”

— Elizabeth Meriwether, Lake Bell, Donna, Susie Essman, imdb.com

“I wish I could be a normal kid with a normal dad and normal dick.”

— Laurie Nunn, Adam Groff, Connor Swindells, imdb.com

“Everyone's got a picture of my lovely big dick.”

— Laurie Nunn, Adam Groff, Connor Swindells, imdb.com

“Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with that little hat on?”

— Lowell Ganz, Babaloo Mandel, Jimmy Dugan, Tom Hanks, imdb.com

“It's really Tom's penis... That's the reason no one is going to the wedding besides Dorinda.”

— Bethenny Frankel, Bethenny Frankel, imdb.com

“My ex is meeting my sex. Which is always scary, you know? And not just because you think they might talk about your penis. That's just part of it.”

— Mindy Kaling, Andy Bernard, Ed Helms, imdb.com

“Dr. Keats: All I know about walruses is that out of all mammals they have the second largest penis. I have the first. Henry: That's my joke.”

— George Wing, Henry Roth, Adam Sandler, imdb.com

“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [Reading from his grandfather's notebook] 'As the minuteness of the parts formed a great hindrance to my speed, I resolved therefore to make a being of a gigantic stature.' [pause] Of course. That would simplify everything. Inga: In other vords: his veins, his feet, his h…”

— Mel Brooks, Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Gene Wilder, imdb.com

“You don't love him. You love his dick.”

— Sharon Horgan, Dallas, Talia Balsam, imdb.com

“I'm going back out there. I've read ten books on sex-ed I think I have a little bit of a better handle on how to explain a penis to a six year old girl.”

— Jason Katims, Julia Braverman-Graham, Julia Braverman-Graham, imdb.com

“What if he gets into an accident? What if he’s horribly disfigured, and I have to identify him, and all that remains are his private parts? I’m standing there, I’m saying, ‘Sorry, officer, I can’t help you, because no, I haven’t seen his penis.’ An then boom, he’s buried in an unmarked grave.”

— J. J. Philbin, Schmidt, Max Greenfield, imdb.com