“Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”— Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: humor
“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.”— Amy Poehler, Michael Schur, Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: dog, fifty pounds, Cat, useless
“Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something.”— Amy Poehler, Michael Schur, Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: humor, Fishing, Hunting
“When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.”— Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Chummy, Wrong Name, don't care
“I'm not interested in caring about people.”— Norm Hiscock, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Love, socialization, Human Interaciton
“I'd wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.”— Amy Poehler, Michael Schur, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Luck, Weak, Failures
“It's always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.”— Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: good idea, Coworkers, Capable, Pain
“There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk.”— Dave King, Michael Schur, Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Skim Milk, lying, Water, Personification Examples
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”— Norm Hiscock, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: humor
“Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor.”— Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Capitalism, Smart, poor, God, determining
“Child labor laws are ruining this country.”— Rachel Axler, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: child libor, Laws, country, ruin
“If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.”— Daniel J. Goor, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: need anything, deal with your problems, adults
“Friends: one to three is sufficient.”— Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: humor
“I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”— Norm Hiscock, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: worked, never learned, name, Best friend
“Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.”— Michael Schur, Aisha Muharrar, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Tears, Crying, humor
“Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night, if it meant nothing got done.”— Matt Murray, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Do Something, Nothing, helps, Work
“It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.”— Norm Hiscock, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Pointless, paint scenes, Nature, outside
“There has never been a sadness that can’t been cured by breakfast food.”— Michael Schur, Aisha Muharrar, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Sadness, Breakfast Food, cured
“America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.”— Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: humor
“History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake.”— Michael Schur, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: History, mistake, July 4th
“Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.”— Norm Hiscock, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: idiots, give 100%, impossible, more than 100%
“When I eat, it is the food that is scared.”— Katie Dippold, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: food, Eat, Scared
“On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.”— Mike Scully, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: deathbed, final wish, Ex-Wives, Go to Hell
“I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.”— Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: lowers, Enthusiasm, Saying No
“[Holds up iPod] TOM PUT ALL MY RECORDS INTO THIS RECTANGLE. THE SONGS JUST PLAY ONE AFTER THE OTHER. THIS IS AN EXCELLENT RECTANGLE.”— Joe Mande, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: iPod, Records, Songs, rectange, Happy
“Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”— Emily Spivey, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Birthdays, Hallmark, cards
“Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait... wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?”— Greg Daniels, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Bacon, eggs, Understand, food
“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”— Michael Schur, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Scotch, Hard Liquor, Drinking, Alcohol Quips
“Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars.”— Megan Amram, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.comTagged: Frozen Yogurt, Celery, zero stars