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Jerry Seinfeld

496 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Apr 29, 1954 · United States Of America · Male

Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld (born April 29, 1954) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is known for playing a semifictional version of himself in the sitcom Seinfeld, which he created and wrote with Larry David. Seinfeld was heavily involved in the Bee Movie, in which he voiced its protagonist. In 2010, he premiered a reality series called The Marriage Ref. He directed Colin Quinn in the Broadway show Long Story Short at the Helen Hayes Theater, which ran until January 2011. He is the creator and host of the web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. In his stand-up comedy career, Seinfeld is known for specializing in observational comedy, often ranting about relationships and embarrassing social situations. In 2005, Comedy Central named Seinfeld their "12th Greatest Stand-up Comedian of All Time". 2Early life Seinfeld was born in Brooklyn, New York. His father Kalmen Seinfeld collected jokes he heard while serving in World War II. His mother, Betty (née Hosni; born 1914), is of Syrian-Jewish descent; her parents Selim and Salha Hosni were from Alepp

All Dating (29)Sex (23)Breakups (19)Men (15)Women (14)Nudity (14)comedy (12)Masculinity (12)Attraction (11)Relationships (11)body odor (8)Jokes (8)Death (8)Homophobia (7)Marriage (7)

From “The Secretary”

I don't even know what, what is supposed to be attractive about fur? Why does a man want to see a woman in a fur? Men want women to shave their legs, shave their armpits, pluck their eyebrows and then before we go out, we dress them up like a bear.

fur Animal Rights

From “The Race”

Well, you really got bald there, didn't you?

Baldness Cruelty

Well, you really got bald there, didn't you?

Baldness Cruelty

In four years of high school I would never race anyone again. Not even to the end of the block to catch a bus. And so the legend grew. Everyone wanted me to race. They begged me. The track coach called my parents. Pleading. Telling them it was a sin to waste my God-given talent. But I answered him…

Track And Field high school Racing Talent

In four years of high school I would never race anyone again. Not even to the end of the block to catch a bus. And so the legend grew. Everyone wanted me to race. They begged me. The track coach called my parents. Pleading. Telling them it was a sin to waste my God-given talent. But I answered him…

Track And Field high school Racing Talent

From “The Switch”

The point is I intend to undertake this. And I'll do it with or without you. So if you're scared, if you haven't got the stomach for this, let's get it out right now! And I'll go on my own. If not, you can get onboard and we can get to work! Now, what's it going to be?

Bravery Plotting Fear

The point is I intend to undertake this. And I'll do it with or without you. So if you're scared, if you haven't got the stomach for this, let's get it out right now! And I'll go on my own. If not, you can get onboard and we can get to work! Now, what's it going to be?

Bravery Plotting Fear

Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd…

Orgies Orgy 70s Porn

Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd…

Orgies Orgy 70s Porn

From “The Label Maker”

Yeah, well I don't trust this guy. I think he regifted, he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp.

Regifting Degifting super bowl Sex

Yeah, well I don't trust this guy. I think he regifted, he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp.

Regifting Degifting super bowl Sex

From “The Beard”

Elaine, do you know what you've done? You've give hope to every woman who's ever said, ‘Too bad he's gay.’

Gay Conversion Dating

Elaine, do you know what you've done? You've give hope to every woman who's ever said, ‘Too bad he's gay.’

Gay Conversion Dating

You think you can get him to just change teams? He's not going to suddenly switch sides. Forget about it.

gay straight Gay Conversion

You think you can get him to just change teams? He's not going to suddenly switch sides. Forget about it.

gay straight Gay Conversion

From “The Kiss Hello”

If you’re not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.

East Side Civil Society

You should be thanking me for liberating you from your world of loneliness and isolation. Now you're part of a family.

Loneliness Isolation Sociability Family

If everybody knew everybody, we wouldn't have the problems we have in the world today. Well, you don't rob somebody if you know their name!

Society Community Friendliness

From “The Doodle”

You know, I went out once with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see her naked every week, except me. Needless to say, it was quite vexing.

Nude Models Jealousy Nudity

You know, I went out once with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see her naked every week, except me. Needless to say, it was quite vexing.

Nude Models Jealousy Nudity

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