Captain O'Hagan: That's it. You're off the road, never again. Farva: Sir, it was not my fault! Captain O'Hagan: Neither was the goddamn school bus! You know, there was a time we'd take a guy like you out back and beat you with a hose; now you got your Goddamn unions. Farva: Cap, You know I'm not a…
Catalog
Kevin Heffernan
Captain O'Hagan: That's it. You're off the road, never again. Farva: Sir, it was not my fault! Captain O'Hagan: Neither was the goddamn school bus! You know, there was a time we'd take a guy like you out back and beat you with a hose; now you got your Goddamn unions. Farva: Cap, You know I'm not a…
Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun! Thorny: [referring to Farva] Yeah, and his shenanigans are cruel and tragic. Foster: [after a pause] Which... makes them not really shenanigans at all. Mac: [in a silly voice] Evil shenanigans!
Desperation is a stinky cologne.
Police Chief Grady: I will have the enchilada platter with two tacos and no guacamoles. Smy? Officer Smy: Yeah, chief. I'll have a CHINCHILLA! Rabbit: I don't get it. Tacos? Thorny: They think I'm Mexican. Rabbit: You're not Mexican?
Mac: Oh, c'mon, we're like the sons you never had. Captain O'Hagan: If you were my son, Mac, I would've smothered you by now. Mac: Smothered me in gravy, you big dirty man.
[In an Irish accent] I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.
[licking back window of police car] The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
Bear...bear-fucker, do you need assistance?
License and registration...chicken-fucker.
Farva: Hey, let's pop some Viagras and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners. Thorny: You know, Farva, only you can make a dark man blush. And no, we're not doing it.
Farva: Hey, let's pop some Viagras and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners. Thorny: You know, Farva, only you can make a dark man blush. And no, we're not doing it.
Farva: Give me a double bacon cheeseburger. Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Double bacon cheeseburger. It's for a cop. Farva: What the hell's that all about? You gonna spit in it now? Dimpus Burger Guy: No, I just told him that so he makes it good. [into mic] Don't spit in that cop's burger. Farva:…
Captain O'Hagan: I swear to God I'll pistol-whip the next guy who says ‘shenanigans.' Mac: Hey, Farva, what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks? Farva: You mean Shenanigans? Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Thorny: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. [as they offer…
[Foster and Mac have pulled a man over for speeding and are deciding what game to play] Mac: All right, how about 'Cat Game?' Foster: Cat Game? What's the record? Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten. Foster: Ten? Starting right 'meow?' [Mac laughs - they walk up to the car, and Foster…