“Captain O’Hagan: Did you guys put in for any transfers yet? Mac: I applied for a guard job—at the post office. [collective groan] Thorny: Hey, you’ll finally be able to shoot someone.”Tagged: Going Postal, shooting
“Thorny: [finishes syrup, slams bottle on table] I am all that is, man! [Rabbit struggles to finish] Mac: What’s a-matter Rabbit, your mother teach you to chug?”Tagged: chugging, Syrup
“[Farva brings the boys a round of coffee, and has left a surprise in Rabbit’s] Rabbit: [dryly] Oh, look, a bar of soap. Farva: Oh, shit, I got you good, you fucker! Mac: Awesome prank, Farva. Farva: Better than the crap you pull, Mac! Captain O’Hagan: Look, fellas... Mac: [to Rabbit] Bite it, rook!…”Tagged: Awesome, fucker, bite it, eating soap, dick
“Farva: Don’t call me radio, unit 91. Mac: Then don’t call me unit 91, radio. Farva: Are you done?”Tagged: radio
“Captain O’Hagan: What did you find out at the weigh station? Mac: My cruiser weighs 16,000 kilograms!”Tagged: weigh station, kilograms, cruiser
“Mac: How’s your shooting, Thorny? Thorny: Good. I’ve been dead on all morning. Mac: What about that little guy? [points to a bullet hole in the shooting target’s neck] Thorny: Who, that little guy? I wouldn’t worry about that little guy.”Tagged: shooting, Understatement
“No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a complete and total fuckhead.”Tagged: you're under arrest, fuckhead
“[Mac gets shot in the crotch while wearing the steel cup] Foster: How you feelin’ there, Mac? Mac: Good enough...to fuck...your mother.”Tagged: fuck your mother
“Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun! Thorny: [referring to Farva] Yeah, and his shenanigans are cruel and tragic. Foster: [after a pause] Which...makes them not really shenanigans at all. Mac: [in a silly voice] Evil shenanigans!”Tagged: shenanigans, Fun, cruel, tragic
“[Foster and Mac have pulled a man over for speeding and are deciding what game to play] Mac: All right, how about ‘Cat Game?’ Foster: Cat Game? What’s the record? Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten. Foster: Ten? Starting right ‘meow?’ [Mac laughs—they walk up to the car, and Foster taps…”Tagged: cat game, meow, Police, Interrogation, Traffic Stop
“Captain O’Hagan: I swear to God I’ll pistol-whip the next guy who says ‘shenanigans.’ Mac: Hey Farva what’s the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks? Farva: You mean Shenanigans? Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Thorny: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. [as they offer…”Tagged: shenanigans, Pistol Whip, Shit, goofy, mozzarella sticks
“Farva: It doesn't matter cause I'm going to win ten million dollars. Thorny: What are you going to do with ten million dollars, and you can't say buy the Cleveland Cavaliers. Farva: I'd buy a ten-million-dollar car. Thorny: That's a good investment but I'd still pull you over. Farva: Bullshit. You…”Tagged: Investment, Son of a Bitch
“Farva: It doesn't matter cause I'm going to win ten million dollars. Thorny: What are you going to do with ten million dollars, and you can't say buy the Cleveland Cavaliers. Farva: I'd buy a ten-million-dollar car. Thorny: That's a good investment but I'd still pull you over. Farva: Bullshit. You…”Tagged: Investment, Son of a Bitch
“Thorny: I'll give you the fat guy for Foster. And uh, how about that stupid guy for Rabbit. Ursula: Well, you're going to have to be more specific, they're both kind of fat and stupid.”Tagged: fat, Stupid, be specific
“Officer Smy: Ursula, what the fuck? There's no TP in the bathroom! Ursula: What about the piece stuck to your shoe? Officer Smy: What ABOUT the piece stuck to my shoe? [Looks down] Officer Smy: SHIT! Ursula: [Stifles a laugh] Officer Smy: You know, you might get ahead around here if you made the…”Tagged: Toilet Paper, Shit, Fuck
“[Farva brings the boys a round of coffee, and has left a surprise in Rabbit's] Rabbit: [dryly] Oh, look, a bar of soap. Farva: Oh, shit, I got you good, you fucker! Mac: Awesome prank, Farva. Farva: Better than the crap you pull, Mac! Captain O'Hagan: Look, fellas... Mac: [to Rabbit] Bite it, rook!…”Tagged: Prank, soap, Hearts, bite it
“Just cleaning out the old locker, she stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her...I guess you could say that about all my girls.”Tagged: Stinks, ass