Captain O’Hagan: Did you guys put in for any transfers yet? Mac: I applied for a guard job—at the post office. [collective groan] Thorny: Hey, you’ll finally be able to shoot someone.
Catalog
Steve Lemme
Stephen Carlos Lemme (born November 13, 1968) is an American actor, writer, and producer, and one of the members of the Broken Lizard comedy group. He attended The Dalton School, a high school in New York, but after one year transferred to Fountain Valley School in Colorado, graduating in 1987. He attended Colgate University and was a member of the Beta Theta Pi fraternity. Before leaving Colgate, he was part of Charred Goosebeak, a comedy troupe with the future Lizards. He has Argentine ancestry as his father is originally from Argentina. When he was young he got a polio vaccination and in an extremely rare case he developed polio, which resulted in the decay of his right calf muscl
Thorny: [finishes syrup, slams bottle on table] I am all that is, man! [Rabbit struggles to finish] Mac: What’s a-matter Rabbit, your mother teach you to chug?
[Farva brings the boys a round of coffee, and has left a surprise in Rabbit’s] Rabbit: [dryly] Oh, look, a bar of soap. Farva: Oh, shit, I got you good, you fucker! Mac: Awesome prank, Farva. Farva: Better than the crap you pull, Mac! Captain O’Hagan: Look, fellas... Mac: [to Rabbit] Bite it, rook!…
Farva: Don’t call me radio, unit 91. Mac: Then don’t call me unit 91, radio. Farva: Are you done?
Captain O’Hagan: What did you find out at the weigh station? Mac: My cruiser weighs 16,000 kilograms!
Mac: How’s your shooting, Thorny? Thorny: Good. I’ve been dead on all morning. Mac: What about that little guy? [points to a bullet hole in the shooting target’s neck] Thorny: Who, that little guy? I wouldn’t worry about that little guy.
You boys like Mex-i-co? Yee-haww.
No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a complete and total fuckhead.
Foster: Okie silly dilly dokie-o. I’m an idiot. Mac: That’s true.
[Mac gets shot in the crotch while wearing the steel cup] Foster: How you feelin’ there, Mac? Mac: Good enough...to fuck...your mother.
Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun! Thorny: [referring to Farva] Yeah, and his shenanigans are cruel and tragic. Foster: [after a pause] Which...makes them not really shenanigans at all. Mac: [in a silly voice] Evil shenanigans!
[Foster and Mac have pulled a man over for speeding and are deciding what game to play] Mac: All right, how about ‘Cat Game?’ Foster: Cat Game? What’s the record? Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten. Foster: Ten? Starting right ‘meow?’ [Mac laughs—they walk up to the car, and Foster taps…
Captain O’Hagan: I swear to God I’ll pistol-whip the next guy who says ‘shenanigans.’ Mac: Hey Farva what’s the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks? Farva: You mean Shenanigans? Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Thorny: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. [as they offer…
Captain O’Hagan: I swear to God I’ll pistol-whip the next guy who says ‘shenanigans.’ Mac: Hey Farva what’s the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks? Farva: You mean Shenanigans? Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Thorny: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. [as they offer…
Farva: It doesn't matter cause I'm going to win ten million dollars. Thorny: What are you going to do with ten million dollars, and you can't say buy the Cleveland Cavaliers. Farva: I'd buy a ten-million-dollar car. Thorny: That's a good investment but I'd still pull you over. Farva: Bullshit. You…
Thorny: I'll give you the fat guy for Foster. And uh, how about that stupid guy for Rabbit. Ursula: Well, you're going to have to be more specific, they're both kind of fat and stupid.
Officer Smy: Ursula, what the fuck? There's no TP in the bathroom! Ursula: What about the piece stuck to your shoe? Officer Smy: What ABOUT the piece stuck to my shoe? [Looks down] Officer Smy: SHIT! Ursula: [Stifles a laugh] Officer Smy: You know, you might get ahead around here if you made the…
[Farva brings the boys a round of coffee, and has left a surprise in Rabbit's] Rabbit: [dryly] Oh, look, a bar of soap. Farva: Oh, shit, I got you good, you fucker! Mac: Awesome prank, Farva. Farva: Better than the crap you pull, Mac! Captain O'Hagan: Look, fellas... Mac: [to Rabbit] Bite it, rook!…
Foster: Okie silly dilly dokie-o. I'm an idiot. Mac: That's true.
Just cleaning out the old locker, she stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her...I guess you could say that about all my girls.