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From “50 Hilarious Comebacks That Will Shut Everyone Up”

Someday you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.

Comebacks insults

Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.

Ignore Be yourself Bad Ideas insults Comebacks

You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?

Jerks insults

If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, ‘cause it’s gonna be a really long time.

Comebacks insults Waiting

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me, neither.

Opinions insults

From “50 Brilliant Sarcastic Jokes That Will Crack You Up When You’re Feeling Snarky”

Oh, I didn't tell you? Must be none of your business then.

insults Secret Secrets

Sorry, my dog ate your text again.

dog Dog Ate My Homework insults excuses Alibis

If idiots grew on trees, this place would be an orchard.

idiots Trees insults

They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts already.

eating Nuts You Are What You Eat insults

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Fault Blame insults

This obviously isn't working out. I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable.

Miserable insults

Please tell me this train of thought you’re on has a caboose.

insults Train of Thought Caboose

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face—once you shove them down the stairs, that is.

Good for Nothing insults Smile

If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.

Success Counseling insults

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it since you're not that bright.

insults Intelligence Need

Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground.

Strong insults Weak

Always remember: You’re just as unique as everybody else.

unique Not Special Special insults

Hi there, I’m human. What are you?

human inhuman insults

Hear that? It’s the sound of you not talking for once.

Silence shut up talking insults

Did something bad happen to you, or are you just naturally this terrible of a person?

insults

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