Quotes tagged ‘masturbation’

(168 total)

“Go get a bag of cucumbers and bananas and continue on, honey.”

“[to his team taking laps] If you all didn't jack off too much, maybe you'd stay in shape.”

— Larry Mcmurtry, Peter Bogdanovich, Coach Popper, Bill Thurman, imdb.com

“Sexual beings shouldn’t be shamed for being sexual beings.”

“Throughout its first season, Sex Education proves that it doesn’t only want its female characters (and viewers) to feel ownership over their bodies — it also wants teenage girls to take pride in enjoying sex and feeling pleasure.”

— Isabella Gomez, teenvogue.com

“Let Jesus fuck you, let Jesus fuck you. Let him fuck you.”

— William Peter Blatty, Demon (voice), Mercedes McCambridge, imdb.com

“Jeez. Doesn't anyone fucking knock any more?”

— Cameron Crowe, Brad Hamilton, Judge Reinhold, imdb.com

“I used to masturbate exclusively with motor oil….Yeah, I was that guy.”

— Eric Falconer, Chris Romano, Harmon Tedesco, James Cade, imdb.com

“Phil: Listen, Frank, you had a good run. There was a moment there when your poster was on the wall of every teenage girl across the country. A huge swath of the teenage population discovered the wonders of masturbation to your photo. Frank: That's high praise indeed.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Frank Dean, Kip Pardue, imdb.com

“I bore you so you jerk off thinking about college girls.”

— Mike Binder, Donna Barnes, Sonya Walger, imdb.com

“Your partner can reassure you all day that your vagina is beautiful and perfect, but it's still quite common to feel insecure when someone is that up close and personal.”

— Sophie Saint Thomas, allure.com

“Kelso: But I was just amusing myself, you know? And that's the key to life, right? Never stop amusing yourself. Fez: Unless it starts to chafe. Then you should take a week off.”

— John Schwab, Fez, Wilmer Valderrama, imdb.com

“Did you have a genie in your bottle? Did you rub one out of him darling?”

— Maria Melnik, Mad Sweeney, Pablo Schreiber, imdb.com

“Rupert: So there I am, in bed, harelip Chrissie on my left and sweaty Nettie, the butcher's daughter, on my right. They get jealous of each other, start arguin' about who I'm goin' to swive first. Can you believe it? Claire: I believe your left hand gets jealous of your right. That's about all I bel…”

— Toni Graphia, Claire Randall, Caitriona Balfe, imdb.com

“I already came four times today and it’s not even noon.”

— Jenji Kohan, Nicole 'Nicky' Nichols, Natasha Lyonne, imdb.com

“Larry, when was the last time you got to cum in a real live vagina instead of your hand?”

— Jenji Kohan, Piper Chapman, Taylor Schilling, imdb.com

“I love myself all the time. At least once in the morning, and usually right before I go to sleep.”

— Jeff Kauffmann, Kathryn Borel, Sam Brenner, Roger The Alien, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

“Steve: Dad! There you are! Stan: Of-Of course I'm here. Wh-Where would I be? Alone? Touching myself? Steve: Yeah, right. Only perverts and Democrats do that.”

— Seth MacFarlane, Chris McKenna, Steve Hely, Nahnatchka Khan, Mike Barker, Steve Smith (voice), Scott Grimes, imdb.com

“Cyril: How do you not know the different kinds of porn? Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the Internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock.”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

“Hey spank your own monkey all you want, but keep your hands off mine.”

— Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“Dr. Floss: [holds up a merely a random pattern] What do you see in this picture? Butt-head: It's this dude, and he's like 'auditioning his finger puppets.' Huh huh. Beavis: Yeah. Yeah. He's 'shining his helmet.' Dr. Floss: I see. And what do you see here? [holds up another picture of random shapes]…”

— Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com