Quotes tagged ‘masturbation’

“Stiles: I'm playing? On the field? With the team? Coach Finstock: Yes, unless you'd rather play with yourself. Stiles: I already did that today. Twice.”

— Jeff Davis, Stiles Stilinski, Dylan O'Brien, imdb.com

“Usually when people say they wanna be a writer they really don’t wanna do anything except, ya know, eat and masturbate.”

— Lena Dunham, Ray Ploshansky, Alex Karpovsky, imdb.com

“Oh, go give yourself a handjob!”

— Nancy Oliver, Ruth Fisher, Frances Conroy, imdb.com

“Masturbating Bums are bad for Business.”

— Charlie Day, David Hornsby, Frank Reynolds, Danny DeVito, imdb.com

“I do other things that are sinful. I've had premarital sex, lots of it. And sometimes I watch adult content and take care of myself, and I don't mean in the vitamins/exercise kind of way.”

— Michael Hitchcock, Josh Chan, Vincent Rodriguez III, imdb.com

“What do you think your brother would say if he knew you'd been jacking off to his girl the past three years?”

— Jonathan Lisco, David Michod, imdb.com

“Don't break an arm jerking yourself off, Morty.”

— Ryan Ridley, Justin Roiland, Dan Harmon, Rick Sanchez (voice), Justin Roiland, imdb.com

“Morty: And also, knock next time, you know? I mean, I'm sitting in here, I'm fourteen! I got a computer in here, you know? Jerry: Oh, I, uh... I think I understa— Morty: You know, you're really playing with fire when you burst in here like that, man. Jerry: I get it. Say no more. Morty: I mean one o…”

— Mike McMahan, Justin Roiland, Dan Harmon, Morty Smith (voice), Justin Roiland, imdb.com

“Conor Donovan: She walked in on me at a bad time. Mickey Donovan: Bad time? Were you jerking off? Conor Donovan: [nod] Mickey Donovan: Conor, if God didn't want us to jerk off, he would've given us shorter arms. It's natural. Conor Donovan: Thanks, Grandpa.”

— Gina Welch, Ann Biderman, Conor Donovan, Devon Bagby, imdb.com

“Nancy Fox was another one of the projects. When I was trolling the area I noticed her go in the house one night. Sometimes I would—and anyway, I put her down as potential victim. …Well, I don’t know, if —you know, if you read much about serial killers, they go through what they call the different ph…”

— Dennis Rader, google.com

“Took the head, washed it off, put it on the bathroom floor, masturbated and all that, then put the head back down with the rest of the bags. Next morning we had a large buried drainage pipe, about ten feet long put the bags in there, smash the front of it down, and leave it there for about two and a…”

— Jeffrey Dahmer, angelfire.com

“Will oozing vibrant sexual energy make you seem confident and appealing, or awkwardly aroused all night?”

— Tracy Moore, melmagazine.com

“Last night, a certifiable fox hit on me, and I did not respond. I masturbated furiously afterwards, but only after I'd rejected her.”

— Shane Kosakowski, Franklin Hardy, Jimmy Shive-Overly, Chris Geere, imdb.com

“Self-improvement is masturbation.”

— Chuck Pahlaniuk, Tyler Durden, Brad Pitt, amazon.com

“Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with a…”

— Chuck Pahlaniuk, Tyler Durden, Brad Pitt, amazon.com

“I actually masturbated once a week for medical purposes. I knew it wasn't good to let things build up.”

— Charlie Covell, James, Alex Lawther, imdb.com

“You wanna unburden yourself, go jerk off.”

— Sam Esmail, Mr. Robot, Christian Slater, imdb.com

“I finally masturbated above the covers, without my eyes being closed. That was a really big journal entry.”

— Ilana Glazer, Abbi Jacobson, Abbi Abrams, Abbi Jacobson, imdb.com

“I also want everyone I’ve ever hooked up with to just jack off together. That might bring me back to life.”

— Abbi Jacobson, Ilana Glazer, Ilana Wexler, Ilana Glazer, imdb.com

“Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress right next to his KY.”

— Ben Edlund, Cathryn Humphris, Dean Winchester, Jensen Ackles, imdb.com