“So now I was a published writer, but my life had become boring, as boring as a bad metaphor. Or simile. Whatever, I'm not a writer.”Tagged: writer, Published, simile, Metaphor, Boring
“Steve Smith: All periods will now be called Steves. Girl: May I be excused? I'm having my Steve.”Tagged: period, Menstrual Cycle, Name Change
“Steve: Dad! There you are! Stan: Of-Of course I'm here. Wh-Where would I be? Alone? Touching myself? Steve: Yeah, right. Only perverts and Democrats do that.”Tagged: Alone, Touching Myself, Perverts, Democrats, masturbation
“[after Steve tells his friends that he was making out with a chick that is 80] Snot: Dude, she's got wrinkles! Steve: So do raisins. But those taste pretty sweet.”Tagged: Old People, Making Out, kiss, Wrinkles, Raisin
“Mom, he's like eight years old. I'm not a little kid anymore. My childhood died on July 18, 2003. The day Kobe Bean Bryant was charged with sexual assault.”Tagged: grown up, adult, Childhood, Childhood Died, Kobe Bean Bryant
“Roger: Hey, with this mortar launcher, we can get back at the kid who went all Tom Sizemore on your eye! Steve: Oh, I wish I could get back at him. I'm gonna dress up as a girl and get him to have sex with me and then say 'Ha! I'm not a girl! You just had sex with a boy that hates you!' Roger: Yes,…”Tagged: Revenge, Sex, Dress Up As a girl, therapy, Hate
“Now that the seeds of mistrust are sprouting, we must harvest them.”Tagged: Mistrust, seeds, Sprouting, harvest, Metaphor
“Debbie: Life is a banquet and death is dessert. Steve: I love dessert!”Tagged: Life, Banquet, Death, dessert
“Steve: Wow, uncensored nudity! This game must be from Japan! Toshi: Unlikely. Those are women, not underage schoolgirls.”Tagged: Uncensored, Nudity, Japan, Schoolgirls, stereotypes
“It's called 'Fortress of Solitude.' Not 'Fortress of Come on In.'”Tagged: Fortress, Sassy, Alone, annoyed
“Face to neck. Hand to lower back. Pec to boob? I don't know shit about hugging.”Tagged: hugs, Hugging, Unsure, Insecure, awkward
“You sound like the cops. They've given up on the case already too. To them, I'm just one more white kid who got stabbed in a bowling alley.”Tagged: Cops, Given Up, case, Stabbed, Bowling Alley