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Carol Leifer

21 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Jul 27, 1956 · United States Of America · Female

Carol Leifer ( LEE-fər; born July 27, 1956) is an American comedian, writer, producer and actress whose career as a stand-up comedian started in the 1970s when she was in college. David Letterman discovered her performing in a comedy club in the 1980s and she has since been a guest on Late Night with David Letterman over twenty-five times as well as numerous other shows and venues. She has written many television scripts including for The Larry Sanders Show, Saturday Night Live and Seinfeld. Leifer's inner-monologue driven, observational style is often autobiographical encompassing subjects about her Jewish ancestry and upbringing, coming out, same-sex marriage, relationships (having been married previously to a man and now partnered with a woman) and parenting. 2Early life Leifer was born in East Williston, New York, to an Ashkenazi Jewish family, the daughter of Anna, a psychologist, and Seymour Leifer, an optometrist. While studying for a theater degree at Binghamton University, Leifer accompanied her then boyfriend Paul Reiser to a comedy club to see him perform at the open mic night at Catch A Rising Star. Later she tried performing at New York's Comic Strip and was introduced by emcee Jerry Seinfeld. 2Career Leifer is a stand-up comedian, writer, producer and actor and has been involved in such television shows as Seinfeld, It's Like, You Know..., Alright Already, and The Larry Sanders Show. With Mitchell Hurwitz, she is the creator of the short-lived The Ellen Show (2001). In 1988, she had her own special on Cinemax titled Carol Doesn't Leifer Anymore, which was produced by David Letterma

All Baldness (2)Understudies (2)Mail (2)Threats (2)Ugly Babies (2)Gay Conversion (2)Hens (1)Megalomaniac Mailman (1)Massive Ego (1)broadway (1)Feet (1)neurotic (1)Job Interviews (1)Breakups (1)Fashion (1)

From “The Lip Reader”

All right, all right. All right you go ahead. You go ahead and keep it secret. But you remember this. When you control the mail, you control...information.

Mail USPS Mailmen Threats

You're giving me the ‘it's not you, it's me’ routine? I invented ‘it's not you, it's me.’ Nobody tells me it's them not me; if it's anybody, it's me.

Breakups It's Not You It's Me

When you control the mail, you control...information.

Postal Service Mail information Threats Going Postal

From “The Hamptons”

Cushman: I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant we’ve seen. Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. There’s someone here I’d like you to meet. This is Mr. Costanza. He is one of the applicants. George Steinbrenner: Nice to meet you. George: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must…

Massive Ego New York Yankees George Steinbrenner Opposite

I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

Penises

Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.

Ugly Babies Genetics DNA Gene Pool

Is it me, or was that the ugliest baby you have ever seen?

Ugly Babies

They're worse! They're much worse than us, they talk about everything! Couldn't you at least tell her about the shrinkage factor?

Shrinkage Women Gossip

From “The Secretary”

Sure, I like a cupcake every now and then, like everybody else. You know I like it when they have a little cream on the inside, it's a surprise. That's good, plus the chocolate ones are good, too. Sometimes I just can’t even make up my mind. A lot of times I’ll mix the two together, make a vanilla…

Cupcakes Pastries chocolate Vanilla

You're luscious. You're ravishing. I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra. I’m terribly sorry.

Attraction Irony Job Interviews

I don't even know what, what is supposed to be attractive about fur? Why does a man want to see a woman in a fur? Men want women to shave their legs, shave their armpits, pluck their eyebrows and then before we go out, we dress them up like a bear.

fur Animal Rights

From “The Beard”

I tell you, when she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic, it's a pleasure.

Toupees Baldness Insecure Paranoid neurotic

I got rejected by a bald woman. A bald woman rejected me. Heh, you like that one? A woman with no prospects and no hair told me that I wasn't her type. Apparently, Baldie likes a slimmer guy.

Baldness Female Pattern Baldness Fat shaming Rejection

Elaine, do you know what you've done? You've give hope to every woman who's ever said, ‘Too bad he's gay.’

Gay Conversion Dating

It's not a lie... if you believe it.

Polygraph Tests Lie Detectors lying

You think you can get him to just change teams? He's not going to suddenly switch sides. Forget about it.

gay straight Gay Conversion

From “The Understudy”

Then in the distance I heard the bulls. I began running as fast as I could. Fortunately, I was wearing my Italian Captoe Oxfords. Sophisticated yet different; nothing to make a huge fuss about. Rich dark brown calfskin leather. Matching leather vent. Men's whole and half sizes 7 through 13. Price:…

J. Peterman Fashion Oxfords Leather Men's Shoes

Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theater world.

Understudies Substitute Teachers

So, my dear, you think you can get to Broadway. Well, let me tell you something. Broadway has no room for people like you. Not the Broadway I know. My Broadway takes people like you and eats them up and spits them out.

broadway Understudies Show Business

No one is touching my feet. Between you and me, Elaine, I think I've got a foot odor problem.

Feet Podiatry Pedicures Foot Odor

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