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Dane Cook

21 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Mar 18, 1972 · United States Of America · Male

Dane Jeffrey Cook (born March 18, 1972) is an American stand-up comedian and film actor. He has released five comedy albums: Harmful If Swallowed; Retaliation; Vicious Circle; Rough Around The Edges: Live From Madison Square Garden; and Isolated Incident. In 2006, Retaliation became the highest charting comedy album in 28 years and went platinum. He performed an HBO special in the Fall of 2006, Vicious Circle, a straight-to-DVD special titled Rough Around The Edges (which is included in the album of the same name), and a Comedy Central special in 2009 titled Isolated Incident. He is known for his use of observational, often vulgar, and sometimes dark comedy. He is one of the first comedians to use a personal webpage and MySpace to build a large fan base and in 2006 was described as "alarmingly popular". As an actor, Cook has appeared in films since 1997, including Mystery Men, Waiting..., Employee of the Month, Good Luck Chuck, Dan in Real Life, Mr. Brooks, and My Best Friend's Girl. He also provided the lead voice role in the 2013 family film Planes, and its 2014 sequel Planes: Fire & Rescue. 2Personal life Cook was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts, the second son of Donna Jean (née Ford; died 2006) and George F. Cook (died 2007

All humor (16)comedy (15)Relationship (4)Phone (2)Life (2)Religion (2)Living (2)Future (2)Listen (2)Vision (2)comment (2)Hear (2)cry (2)Prank (2)Sad (2)

From “Dane Cook – Umm, Hello?”

"They're like. Alright, why did you stop at a red light And let me hit you doing 80?! WHY DID YOU STOP AT A RED LIGHT?"

Traffic Stop red light Car speed

From “Dane Cook – Pranks”

"Here's a fun one right Guys, next time you at a bar, whatever, and you see a girl at the bar Just walk up to her and go like this... ""Hey, are you gonna walk to your car by yourself later? I'll be over here watching you all night"

Prank scare humor bar comedy

"How bout this one right. All you need for this is a pair of gloves Just take your gloves, right And go down to the bank. Get behind all the people in the bank Give the person in front of you a little nudge, just a little nudge Wait till they turn around, and when they turn around Start putting on…

joke humor Prank Bank gloves

From “Dane Cook – Dream house”

“Oh god. I landed in Marshmallows. How mad can I be?”

marshmallows food Soft comfort food sweete

"I gotta have a swamp too. Gotta have a swamp. Either a Swamp, our a marsh full of marshmallows. MARSHmallows"

marshmallows humor comedy Pun Language

"Everybody’s got a dream house The house of your dreams. "

Dreams House Goals Home Future

From “Wikiquote.org”

Who doesn't like movies? Who has ever said, "Hey, you wanna go see a movie?" "Fuck that and fuck your movies! It’s ridiculous, the whole idea of it! It’s just wrong and fake and NO!"

humor comedy Preference Movies like

We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.

Truth Life Living daily life Lie

From “Dane Cook – The atheist”

I hope when he dies he does become a tree. I hope he's in the middle of the wilderness and he's doing his tree thing. Whatever it is trees do. I know they do alot of work with breezes. And wouldn't it be fantastic if while he was out there just enjoying his treeness. Through the woods a huge, sweaty…

Belief Religion Life Reincarnation Afterlife

"Let me ask you this. What do you believe happens to you after um, after you die? And I said uhh... okay. well, hopefully I live a good life and my soul goes to heaven and when I get there all my ancestors will be waiting for me like it's an airport HEYYY! Whatsupp? Guess who's dead sucker.…

Death Belief Faith Religion Afterlife

From “Dane Cook”

Let me tell you why women, you win 99.9% of all fights. Yup. Yup, and I’ll tell you why right now. Here it is: because you are mental terrorists. You are brain ninjas and you know how to get in there with your katana and just cut us; and disappear into the night.

Women Fight Relationship Win Brain

It’ll be very subtle. It'll almost be a whisper... And why is that? To make you listen.

Whisper Speak argue comment Silent

It’ll be very subtle. It'll almost be a whisper... And why is that? To make you listen.

Whisper Speak argue comment Silent

When you’re in a relationship, when you’re with somebody awful, I call that a relation-shit.

Relationship Person Love Wrong Awful

From “Dane Cook on Lying”

Why is it that the street you’re looking for always has a tree from the Mesozoic Era growing around the sign? You’re looking for like Mount Vernon and all you see is like the N. And you drive by going, “That was probably it.”

Street Directions Car Driving travel

From “Dane Cook-Crying”

Do not talk to your mother and father when you’re crying. Because what happens is, your mom has the ability to make you weep even more, and your dad makes you feel like a fucking idiot.

Crying cry Weep mother father

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