“Mary: Stan, I suck with kids. Marshall: So? You suck with grownups, too.”Tagged: suck, kids, Grownups, Diss, Sassy
“Despite my athletic prowess and my eagerness to please you, I cannot outrun a horse.”Tagged: athletic, prowess, eager
“A shot at fresh start; a do-over of your entire life, but it only works if you make the decision to be a better human being than you've been and allow the possibility of something greater for yourself.”Tagged: fresh start, do-over, decision, Choice, better human
“'Happily ever after,' the big lie. Those three insidious words, repeated again and again, promising myself and a gazillion other little girls that some day, sure as the sunset, a man prettier than ourselves would sweep us away. To live our lives forever and a day. Blah blah, blah. Never once…”Tagged: Happily Ever After, Lies, Empty Promises, quiet desperation
“Marshall: What exactly is your beef with humanity? Mary: I have no beef with humanity. It's people I can't stand.”Tagged: Beef, humanity, People, annoyed
“f there's one thing working in witness protection has taught me it's that people hate change. Oh, we all say we want to change; get thinner, quit smoking, learn to speak Portuguese, but we don't. For better or worse, our habits define us. We turn the pages of the same tattered script over and over,…”Tagged: witness protection, Change, thin, smoking, habits
“Mary: He called me ma'am. Marshall: Yeah, but he was looking down your shirt when he said it. Mary: Why are you being so nice to me?”Tagged: Age, Old, breasts, Nice, Compliment
“One way or another, I am going to nail that guy. I mean literally, fillet him, nail his hide to a tree, spread it with jam and watch the squirrels go to town.”Tagged: Nail, fillet, Literally, Tree, Squirrels
“Marshall: Man, every time I walk into a gym it gets my blood up. Scott Worley: Oh, did you play? Marshall: Badminton. We played our tournaments here. See this scar? Shuttlecock injury. Ended my career.”Tagged: gym, Blood, pressure, play, Sports Groupies
“I think my least favorite phrase in the human language is 'I'm sorry.' Nine times out of ten when a person says they're sorry, they're really only sorry they got caught, and now want me to forgive them for something I'm still pissed off about. Which puts me in the unhappy position of either saying,…”Tagged: phrase, Least Favorite, I'm Sorry, Caught, forgiveness
“People generally think of forgiveness as the flip side of contrition, the obligatory response to an apology. It is not. To forgive is to answer the call of our better angels and bear our wounds as the cost of doing business. It is that rarest of things, simple and pure...transcendent... without…”Tagged: Forgivness, Apology, Business, Angels, rare
“Byrd Huffstodt: I just went to a rainbow party last night at Tim's. That's totally it. Beth Huffstodt: A rainbow party? Wow. Byrd, I am so glad that she feel safe enough to tell us about this. And we'll talk about it and we'll just keep talking, you know, about it. And I'm sure there's a lot that…”Tagged: gay, lipstick, blowjobs, Rainbow Party, Vulgar