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George Costanza

185 quotesUnited States Of America · Male

George Louis Costanza is a character in the American television sitcom Seinfeld (1989–1998), played by Jason Alexander. He has variously been described as a "short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man" (by Elaine Benes and Costanza himself) and "Lord of the Idiots" (by Costanza himself). George and Jerry were junior high school friends and remained friends afterwards. He is friends with Jerry Seinfeld, Cosmo Kramer, and Elaine Benes. George appears in every episode except "The Pen" (third season). The character was originally based on Seinfeld co-creator Larry David but is surnamed after Jerry Seinfeld's real-life New York friend, Mike Costanza. Alexander reprised his role in an episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, reuniting with Jerry Seinfeld and Wayne Knight (also reprising their roles as Jerry and Newman, respectively). 2Early life and family George is the son of Frank (Jerry Stiller), an Italian-American and Estelle Costanza (Estelle Harris), presumably Jewish-American. George twice mentions that he has a brother (although never again after season 3). Lloyd Braun is his childhood nemesis who George feels was the son his parents always wante

All Dating (16)Attraction (11)Sex (10)Self-deprecation (6)Breakups (6)Relationships (6)Women (5)Baldness (5)Lesbianism (4)Revenge (4)Irony (4)Mental Illness (4)lying (4)New York Yankees (3)Employment (3)

From “The Opposite”

A job with the New York Yankees! This has been the dream of my life ever since I was a child, and it's all happening because I'm completely ignoring every urge towards common sense and good judgment I've ever had. This is no longer just some crazy notion. Jerry, this is my religion.

Instinct Employment Religion Common Sense Good Judgment

I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met.

Opposite Mystery Dating

Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but...I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made…

Instincts Failure Despair

From “The Big Salad”

You know, if it was a regular salad I wouldn't have said anything. But you had to have the BIG SALAD!

Cheap Petty

You know, I think I could have played with dolls if there were dolls in the house. It seems like fun to me. It doesn't seem like a gender thing. I think I would like to play with dolls. What's so terrible?

gender roles Dolls

You know, you buy a big salad for somebody, it would be nice if they knew it.

Cheap Petty

From “The Secretary”

You're luscious. You're ravishing. I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra. I’m terribly sorry.

Attraction Irony Job Interviews

From “The Switch”

Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?

Thankfulness Gratitude Dementia

From “The Beard”

I tell you, when she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic, it's a pleasure.

Toupees Baldness Insecure Paranoid neurotic

I got rejected by a bald woman. A bald woman rejected me. Heh, you like that one? A woman with no prospects and no hair told me that I wasn't her type. Apparently, Baldie likes a slimmer guy.

Baldness Female Pattern Baldness Fat shaming Rejection

It's not a lie... if you believe it.

Polygraph Tests Lie Detectors lying

From “The Jimmy”

Cold showers? They're for psychotics.

Showers Cold Showers Psychosis

From “The Fusilli Jerry”

You're not out there! You can't be, because I am out there. And if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!

Dating Out There Electroshock Therapy

From “The Face Painter”

You have any idea how fast these things deteriorate when there's an ‘I love you’ out of the bag? You can't have a relationship where one person says, ‘I love you’ and the other says, ‘I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat.’

I Love You Reciprocity Hunger Relationships

I mean, now she thinks that I'm one of these guys that love her. Nobody wants to be with somebody that loves them.

Love friendzone Aloofness

Take toilet paper, for example. Do you realize that toilet paper has not changed in my lifetime? It's just paper on a cardboard roll, that's it. And in ten thousand years, it will still be exactly the same because really, what else can they do?

Toilet Paper inventions Dating

From “The Postponement”

You see those tears streaming down, you don't know what to do. It was like she was on fire and I was trying to put her out.

Breakups Crying Tantrums manipulation Guilt

Spring. Rejuvenation. Rebirth. Everything's blooming. All that crap.

Springtime Flowers Rebirth Rejuvenation

I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. Why is it that the doors on the stalls do not come all the way down to the floor?

bathrooms Bathroom Doors inventions Privacy

From “The Wink”

I'd rather be dating the blind. You know you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good-looking blind woman doesn't even know you're not good enough for her.

Dating blind dates Blind People Sloppiness Deaf People

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