Season 2

“Richie: Since when is politics the key to sex? Ralph: Are you kidding? I heard about a guy who was canvassing in '52. He rang a lady's doorbell and didn't come out till '54.”

— Lloyd Garver, Ken Hecht, Ralph Malph, Donnie Most, imdb.com

“Potsie: We didn't get the job, I know it. Ralph: You'd better be wrong. I already spent the money we didn't earn from the last job we didn't get.”

— Ben Joelson, Art Baer, Ralph Malph, Donnie Most, imdb.com

“Ralph: With a divorcée, all you gotta do is establish a relationship. Richie: With a glass of water? Ralph: It's a start, Rich, it's a start. It gets you inside the house. Then, you charm your way into her private quarters. From there, you're just one subtle move away from paradise. Richie: You go f…”

— Bill Idelson, Ralph Malph, Donnie Most, imdb.com

“My mind's not suspicious, just dirty.”

— Frank Buxton, Ralph Malph, Donnie Most, imdb.com

“Hey Rich, I think the man in the Henry J is hungry; he just threw a menu at me!”

— Ben Joelson, Art Baer, Trudy, Tita Bell, imdb.com

“Richie: I'm gonna interview Howdy Doody. Potsie: How are you gonna do that? Richie: I'm gonna pull a few strings.”

— Bob Brunner, Potsie, Anson Williams, imdb.com

“Richie: Burglar, meet my friends, Ralph and Potsie. Burglar: You need to widen your circle of acquaintances. These are the most useless friends I've ever seen.”

— Michael Weinberger, James Ritz, Richie Cunningham, Ron Howard, imdb.com

“Howard: What is it you did last night? Richie: Do you wanna hear what really happened or the lie we're gonna tell everybody else? Howard: Start with the lie. It's probably more interesting.”

— Bill James, Howard Cunningham, Tom Bosley, imdb.com

“Richie: What's your idea of the perfect girl, Fonzie? Fonzie: 45-22-34... with her own Harley.”

— Bill James, Fonzie, Henry Winkler, imdb.com

“Howard: We're gonna have fun. Look, we'll, we'll pop popcorn, and we'll toast the marshmallows, and we'll drink some cider and trim the tree, and then, later on, I'll read 'The Night Before Christmas.' Joanie: [singing] Jingle bells, jingle bells, boring all the way. Howard: No singing at the table,…”

— Bill Idelson, Howard Cunningham, Tom Bosley, imdb.com

“Marion: What would we do without you, Fonzie? Fonzie: Well, you'd be up a creek, Mrs. C. Richie: Yeah, our car'd be stuck in the snow, our tree'd be out, and our Santa Claus would be mugging the neighbors.”

— Bill Idelson, Fonzie, Henry Winkler, imdb.com

“Howard: So, you're gonna play the 'Melancholy Dane,' huh? Fonzie: Hey, wait a minute! I don't play animals!”

— Bobby Boswell, Fonzie, Henry Winkler, imdb.com

“Marion: I remember during the war there was a war-bond rally, and Mickey Rooney showed up, and he helped them make thousands of dollars. Do you remember, Howard? Howard: I sure do. It's the last time I felt tall.”

— Bobby Boswell, Marion Cunningham, Marion Ross, imdb.com

“Richie: I don't know that much about Hamlet, Fonzie, but I'll teach you everything I know. Fonzie: Go. Richie: All right.”

— Bobby Boswell, Richie Cunningham, Ron Howard, imdb.com

“Joanie: Boy, I wish the man would finish fixing our TV set. Marion: Well, he promised to get our picture tube back in seven to ten days. Joanie: Yeah, but I'm not gonna last that long. I'll go stir-crazy. Howard: Do what you did before we had television. Joanie: I sat around wishing we had a TV.”

— Jerry Rannow, Greg Strangis, Joanie, Erin Moran, imdb.com

“Potsie: Now, I'm desperate. Can't you set me up, Ralph? Ralph: Oh, sure. I got a great girl for you. Potsie: Who? Ralph: Her name's Marlene. Potsie: What if she has a date? Ralph: Who would date Marlene?”

— Perry Grant, Dick Bensfield, Potsie, Anson Williams, imdb.com

“Fonzie: You got nothing to fear but fear itself. Richie: Didn't somebody else say that? Fonzie: Well, if they did, they got it from the Fonz.”

— Bruce Shelly, David Ketchum, Fonzie, Henry Winkler, imdb.com

“Marion: No one on my side of the family ever went to a psychiatrist. Howard: Well, my side of the family is perfectly normal, Marion. I mean, they don't even have to read Dear Abby. Marion: What about your Aunt Louise who lives in a bomb shelter? Howard: When the big one drops, who'll be crazy then?”

— Phil Mishkin, Marion Cunningham, Marion Ross, imdb.com

“Richie: She said she'd do something desperate. Ralph: How desperate can you get in a ladies' room? Richie: Do you know what's in a ladies' room? Ralph: No, do you?”

— Michael Leeson, Richie Cunningham, Ron Howard, imdb.com

“I really dig intellectual girls, especially that one. I love the way her mind fills her sweater.”

— Phil Mishkin, Ralph Malph, Donnie Most, imdb.com