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Home Improvement

Home Improvement is an American television sitcom starring Tim Allen, that aired from September 17, 1991 to May 25, 1999. The show was created by Matt Williams, Carmen Finestra and David McFadzean. In the 1990s, it was one of the most watched sitcoms in t

(41 total)

Seasons

Season 1 (27)Season 2 (9)Season 3 (5)

Characters

Tim Taylor (28)Tim Allen (28)Marley Sims (6)Susan Estelle Jansen (5)Jill Taylor (5)Patricia Richardson (5)Elliot Stern (5)Howard J. Morris (4)Jonathan Taylor Thomas (4)Carmen Finestra (4)

“Jill: We're keeping score. Tim: I thought you didn't want to keep score. Jill: Oh, is the great big, bad bowling man afraid his itty-bitty wife is going to beat him? Tim: Is the itty-bitty wife afraid the big, bad bowling man is going to leave her in the PARKING LOT?”

— Elliot Stern, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: arguments, keeping score, itty-bitty

“This is an excuse, women, and you're not the type to have excuses. You need to be taught. I don't think you're stupid just 'cause you don't know anything....You know, I—that didn't come out right.”

— Allison M. Gibson, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: excuses, insults

“Brad Taylor: I don't have any lines. Randy Taylor: That's because you blew it, you stooge. He was trying out for one of the wise men, and he said they were carrying gold and Frankenstein.”

— Elliot Stern, Randy Taylor, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, imdb.com

Tagged: frankenstein, Frankincense

“Jill Taylor: I thought you said it was a technical problem. Tim Taylor: Technically, I was the problem.”

— Susan Estelle Jansen, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: technical problem

“Mark Taylor: I have a woman—Mommy. Randy Taylor: Your mommy can't be your woman, doofus. Tim Taylor: A lot of men pay a psychiatrist a lot of money to figure that one out.”

— Billy Riback, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Mommy Issues

“Tim Taylor: I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret, all right? Women, as we know them, are born without a face. Randy Taylor: Bull! Tim Taylor: Listen to me—women are like a Mr. Potato Head. You've heard your mom say every now and then, 'Excuse me, fellas, I've gotta go upstairs and put my fac…”

— Susan Estelle Jansen, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Women, Mr. Potato Head, Put your face on, Makeup

“Tim Taylor: I like to create, Wilson. Everything I do, I wanna make bigger and better. Wilson: Well, Tim, this obsessive desire to create partly happens because men feel inferior to women. [Tim grunts, perplexed] It's because we can't bear children. Tim Taylor: Ah, I don't mind the boys that much. W…”

— Susan Estelle Jansen, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Misandry, Giving Birth

“Jill Taylor: They broke the mirror, they put in the wrong tiling, we've got a cement... Jill Taylor: [suddenly seeing her new whirlpool bath] Oh, wow, wow, what's this? Tim Taylor: This is what will make it all worthwhile: Your new whirlpool. Jill Taylor: Oh, Tim, it's so beautiful. Look at the colo…”

— Susan Estelle Jansen, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Women and Shower Nozzles, Whirlpool

“Mark Taylor: Are you gonna make Brad and Randy say they're sorry? Tim Taylor: Well, you have two choices: You either make 'em apologize, or we could get even. Mark Taylor: Get even! Tim Taylor: That's my boy!”

— Elliot Stern, Mark Taylor, Taran Noah Smith, imdb.com

Tagged: Apologize, get even

“Tim Taylor: A live chicken? Brad, who the hell do you hang out with? Brad Taylor: Mom... Jill Taylor: What? Brad Taylor: Dad's cussing. Tim Taylor: I wasn't cussing. Mark Taylor: He said a bad word. Tim Taylor: It wasn't bad. Randy Taylor: Yeah, he said 'hell' and 'damn'. Tim Taylor: I did not say '…”

— Peter Tolan, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Cussing

“Tonight, when I'm cookin' that chili, I'll cut up this cauliflower, and we'll tell them we've got rabbit brains in there.”

— Elliot Stern, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: chili, cauliflower, rabbit brains, Absurd, Gross

“You know why I like tools? Because they fix things—you tear down a motor, see the problem, it's right there—boom; it's fixed. I wish I could fix things between us that easily.”

— Peter Tolan, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Tools

“Jill: What, do you have rocks in your head? Don't you think? Tim: Let's talk about who doesn't think for a minute—who drove around for two days with the oil light on? Jill: Wait—I thought you said you weren't going to bring up the oil light. Tim: With all those rocks in my head, sometimes I don't kn…”

— Peter Tolan, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Husband-Bashing, arguments

“Tim: It's a warning light; didn't it occur to you there might be a little problem? Jill: I thought if there was a problem with the car that the light would get brighter, or there would be a buzzer. Tim: A buzzer? It's a car, not a game show.”

— Peter Tolan, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: warning light, buzzer, game show

“Tim: What about you, Wilson? What are you afraid of? Wilson: I do have one underlying fear, Tim—I'm afraid that reality, as we know it, is someone else's dream. When the dreamer wakes, I'll no longer exist. Tim: ...Wilson, I wouldn't share that with too many people.”

— Susan Estelle Jansen, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Fear, Dreams, Insanity

“Jill Taylor: Tim, what do you actually know about installing a satellite dish? Tim Taylor: It's simple. Mount it, point it straight up. Any man could do that. Jill Taylor: Yeah, but it has to stay up longer than ten seconds.”

— Allison M. Gibson, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Husband-Bashing

“Jill Taylor: [discussing Jill's upcoming job interview] Tim, do you ever listen to me? It was the last thing that I said in bed to you last night. Tim Taylor: No; I believe, if you recall, the last thing you said to me in bed last night was 'NO!' Jill Taylor: [smirking] You're thinking of tonight.”

— Carmen Finestra, Matt Williams, David McFadzean, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Listening, not tonight

“Randy Taylor: [to Sir Larry] Hey, you're great! I saw you at Chris Johnson's birthday party! Sir Larry Houdini: Ahhh, lovely little girl. Randy Taylor: Chris is a boy. Sir Larry Houdini: Strange little boy.”

— Marley Sims, Randy Taylor, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, imdb.com

Tagged: gender confusion

“Tim Taylor: I don't know what it is about football and me; I'm obsessed, I think. Wilson: Well, why do you think that is, Tim? Tim Taylor: I think it's 'cause I love it, Wilson. I love the surprise, and the strategy, and the strength, and the big guys with the logos and the colorful helmets, the shi…”

— Marley Sims, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Tagged: Football, Obsession

“Randy Taylor: [referring to himself and Brad] Billy's mom thinks we're perfect little gentlemen. Tim Taylor: Billy's mom thought she saw Elvis yesterday at the gas station.”

— Elliot Stern, Randy Taylor, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, imdb.com

Tagged: delusional