Movie

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

by Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, Ben Affleck, Jeff Anderson and 54 others

When Jay and Silent Bob learn that their comic-book alter egos, Bluntman and Chronic, have been sold to Hollywood as part of a big-screen movie that leaves them out of any royalties, the pair travels to Tinseltown to sabotage the production.

(37 total)

Characters

Kevin Smith (37)Jason Mewes (15)Jay (15)Holden McNeil/Himself (6)Ben Affleck (6)Chris Rock (5)Will Ferrell (5)Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly (5)Chaka (5)Sissy (1)

“Crazy crackers with guns. Its time I get my black ass out of here.”

— Kevin Smith, Chaka, Chris Rock, imdb.com

Tagged: black ass, crackers, anti-white racism, Guns

“Matt Damon: Just take it from 'It's a good course.' Ben Affleck: Oh, now you're the director. Matt Damon: Hey shove it, Bounce-boy. Let's remember who talked who into doing this shit in the first place. Talking me into Dogma was one thing, but this... Ben Affleck: Hey look, I'm sorry I dragged you a…”

— Kevin Smith, imdb.com

Tagged: Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Dogma, Reindeer Games, Serial Killers

“Don't you never say an unkind word about The Time! Me and Silent Bob modeled our whole fucking lives around Morris Day and Jerome. I'm a smooth pimp who loves the pussy. And Tubby here is my black man servant. What?”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: The Time, Morris Day, Jerome, pimp

“Jay: And I can't believe fine-ass bitches like yourselves eat that shit. Don't you know fast food makes girls fart? Brent: [getting into the van] Say, what's all this talk about farting?”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: Farting, Fast Food

“[clears throat] And I'll be, like, 'What, you don't know fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob? The fuckin' mack daddys of fuckin' Jersey?' And she'll be, like, 'Oh, I've read on the Internet that you's guys are a couple of little… [emphatically to Silent Bob] … fuckholes!' [both laugh]”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: mack daddy, New Jersey, fuckhole, Internet

“[singing outside the Stop N Go] I'm gonna finger-bang her tight little asshole / Finger-bang and tea-bag my balls / Where, where, in her mouth / Balls a-plenty in her mouth / Balls Balls Sweaty Balls.”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: teabagging, finger-banging, balls, asshole

“Whillenholly: And might I add, that is one fine-looking boy you are raising. Jay: Hell yeah, that's because he's from my sperm. See, I knocked up this hot woman friend of ours that I fuck on the side so as to not be all the way gay, but my tubby husband here is 100% queer. He LOVES the cock.”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: Queer, Cock, Sperm

“Hitchhiker: [explaining why he gives head for rides] Have you seen the price of bus tickets lately? There's no way I'm gonna cough up 200 bucks just to get to Chicago. Jay: Fuck that, I don't wanna cough up some dude's sperm. Hitchhiker: Don't be so suburban. It's the new millennium. Gay, straight..…”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: blowjobs, Sperm, gay, straight, suburban

“Jay: Hey, lawdog. Whillenholly: [Willenholly realizes Jay & Silent Bob didn't jump] Hey! Jay: See you in hell, cocksmoker! Whillenholly: Aww, Fuck Meeeee!”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: bus tickets, free stuff, Shit

“Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: bus tickets, free stuff, Shit

“Sissy: Shut the fuck up, before I shoot you where you stand in your pansy red booties. Jay: [Looks down] I AM wearing pansy red booties. [Looks at Silent Bob] Why the fuck didn't you tell me?”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: Pansy Red Booties, Crossdressing

“James Van Der Beek: [about 'Dawson's Creek'] You actually watch that show? Jay: Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to third base with her? James Van Der Beek: Well, actually there was this one time...”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: Dawson's Creek, Third Base

“Jay: Hey, wait a second! Aren't you the guy who fucked the pie! Jason Biggs: You see! It's never 'Hey! You're that guy from Loser' or 'Hey you rocked in Boys and Girls.' No, it always comes back to that fucking pie! I'm HAUNTED by it! James Van Der Beek: You put your dick in a pie!”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: Loser, Boys and Girls, Haunted, pie fucking

“In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: spank the monkey, world gone mad

“Holden: If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank. Jay: What buzz? Holden: The Internet buzz. Jay: What the fuck is the Internet? Holden: The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography wit…”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: Internet, buzz, Fuck, Bitch, Pornography

“[deleted scene] Hooker #1: Hey, little man! You want some of this? Hooker #2: How 'bout you, big boy? Hooker #1: You got 50 bucks, we can get NASTY. Jay: Oh, yeah? How nasty? Hooker #2: As nasty as you want to be, papi. Jay: Oh, all right. Well, first, I want you to tongue my bung, while you juggle…”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: Hookers, Ass Play, Nutsack, Dixie Cup, Hollywood

“All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little, whiny bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who is makin' the movie...we're gonna make them eat our shit, then shit out our shit…”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

Tagged: Miramax, Hollywood, Bitches, Shit, Coprophagy