Season 1

“Geoffrey: Those friends of yours are probably feeling the exact same way you are today. Alex: Actually, they're doing just fine. Geoffrey: Or maybe they're better at hiding what's really going on.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Geoffrey Wilder, Ryan Sands, imdb.com

“Tina: Does this mean what I think? Leslie: We're gonna need another sacrifice.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Leslie Dean, Annie Wersching, imdb.com

“Kids that know you when you're young? No one will ever know you like that again. Don't give up on that.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Geoffrey Wilder, Ryan Sands, imdb.com

“We're ready. Tonight, another becomes eternal.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Leslie Dean, Annie Wersching, imdb.com

“Some people hide behind makeup, others behind a smile. It's still hiding.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Nico Minoru, Lyrica Okano, imdb.com

“Chase: I gotta go. Alex: Cause of these guys? We used to make fun of guys like these. Chase: Yeah, and now we make fun of guys like you.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Chase Stein, Gregg Sulkin, imdb.com

“Robert: Janet, have you done something different with your hair? Janet: Thank you so much for noticing. Victor: Forgive me for being so busy changing the world that I didn't notice your bangs had grown out.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, imdb.com

“Phil: Listen, Frank, you had a good run. There was a moment there when your poster was on the wall of every teenage girl across the country. A huge swath of the teenage population discovered the wonders of masturbation to your photo. Frank: That's high praise indeed.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Frank Dean, Kip Pardue, imdb.com

“Secrets only live in shadows and there are no shadows in the light.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Frank Dean, Kip Pardue, imdb.com

“Victor: You're not getting cold feet, are you Geoffrey? Geoffrey: It concerns me that you aren't. She's only 17. Tina: They're always the same age. Geoffrey: Which is now the same age as our children. That don't bother nobody?”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Geoffrey Wilder, Ryan Sands, imdb.com

“Dale: Personally, I've found denial to be a very effective coping mechanism. Janet: Kind of how I feel about Chardonnay.”

— Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Janet Stein, Ever Carradine, imdb.com

“Chase: Were you just checkin' out my junk? Gert: What makes you say that? Chase: The X-Ray goggles on your head? Gert: I may have given it cursory glance purely out of scientific curiosity.”

— Kalinda Vazquez, Gert Yorkes, Ariela Barer, imdb.com

“Tina: I've booked us a room five minutes away. It worked for Dakota Johnson. Robert: We're not characters in some trashy movie. This is real life. We're in a real marriage.”

— Kalinda Vazquez, Tina Minoru, Brittany Ishibashi, imdb.com

“Robert: I mean, never mind last night. What we do, doesn't it take anything out of you? Tina: Of course. I'm just trying to have some fun, Robert. Remember fun? You always used to love going to hotels. Having me come by in the middle of the day...”

— Kalinda Vazquez, Tina Minoru, Brittany Ishibashi, imdb.com

“Did you see them? The lights?”

— Kalinda Vazquez, Karolina Dean, Virginia Gardner, imdb.com

“Now. How hard can it be to find a dinosaur in the Palisades?”

— Tamara Becher-Wilkinson, Dale Yorkes, Kevin Weisman, imdb.com

“Robert: He's passed out. He's probably passed out for days. Victor: He would shit his pants. We can't take that chance.”

— Tamara Becher-Wilkinson, Victor Stein, James Marsters, imdb.com

“Chase: Are you going to say sorry to her? Team Dude: No. I got a broken rib because of that bitch. Chase: Good thing you got 23 more!”

— Tamara Becher-Wilkinson, Chase Stein, Gregg Sulkin, imdb.com

“Cop: Can I help you? Alex: I'd like to report a murder? I mean, I wouldn't LIKE to, but...”

— Tamara Becher-Wilkinson, Alex Wilder, Rhenzy Feliz, imdb.com

“Stacey: We're never going to get out. Oh my god. Gert: What happened? Stacey: You wouldn't understand. Gert: Really? Just like I wouldn't understand you were lying about the hedgehog?”

— Tamara Becher-Wilkinson, Gert Yorkes, Ariela Barer, imdb.com