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Varsity Blues

by W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, James Van Der Beek, Amy Smart and 28 others(18 total)

In small-town Texas, high school football is a religion, 17-year-old schoolboys carry the hopes of an entire community onto the gridiron every Friday night. When star quarterback Lance Harbor suffers an injury, the Coyotes are forced to regroup under the

Characters

W. Peter Iliff (18)Scott Caan (10)Charlie Tweeder (10)James Van Der Beek (7)Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon (7)Jon Voight (1)Coach Bud Kilmer (1)

Jonathon ‘Mox’ Moxon: Darcy’s pretty sharp. She pulls A’s. Julie Harbor: That’s not all she 'pulls.'

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, imdb.com

Double Entendre

Mox: I’m a good boy. I’ve always been good. What’s my upside to being good? [looks at at box of condoms] I mean, I’m 18 years old, it’s not like I’m married to her. She invited me over. I’m just being polite—right, Kyle? [pause] Kyle? Kyle: I only answer to one name. I am the Great and Honorable Al-…

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, imdb.com

Allah condoms Sacrilege

Charlie Tweeder: Say I’m stupid and I’m about to get hit in the nuts. Billy Bob: That’s funny. Charlie Tweeder: Ain’t it funny? That’s what I mean. See, they need to change the name of the show to America’s funniest shots in the nuts.

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

ow my balls kick in the nuts

Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.

— W. Peter Iliff, Coach Bud Kilmer, Jon Voight, imdb.com

Weakness Pain Sadism

In America, we have laws. Laws against killing, laws against stealing. And it is just accepted that as a member of American society, you will live by these laws. In West Canaan, Texas, there is another society which has its own laws. Football is a way of life.

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, imdb.com

America Laws Killing Football

Charlie Tweeder: What is up with Carrie Ann Baker? Billy Bob: Darcy’s friend? Charlie Tweeder: Oh, my God! She’s got this look. Like, I just fell out of the I’m-gonna-suck-your-dick tree and hit every branch on the way down!

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

Slut Shaming suck your dick

Police Officer: Congratulations. Charlie Tweeder: Congratulations to you, too. Police Officer: Congratulations for what? Charlie Tweeder: For getting to wear such cute ‘mount me’ hats. Police Officer: Mount me? Charlie Tweeder: Not right away. After a few drinks...

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

Congratulations disrespect

Jonathon ‘Mox’ Moxon: The male erection? Pitchin’ a tent, sportin’ a wood, the icicle if formed, the march is on... Miss Davis: That’s good... Jonathon ‘Mox’ Moxon: Stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, rigor mortis has set in, flesh rocket, Jack’s magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroo…

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, imdb.com

erection Euphemisms

Well, we’re all naked in there and we’ve got handcuffs and cool shit to play with, so take off your clothes and get in the car.

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

bondage S&M handcuffs cool shit

Now, we go out there and we half-ass it because we’re scared, all we’re left with is an excuse. We’re always gonna wonder. But we go out there and we give it absolutely everything...that’s heroic. Let’s be heroes!

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, imdb.com

Half-Ass Scared Heroic

[after Kilmer left the locker room after choking Moxon] Before this game started, Kilmer said ‘48 minutes for the next 48 years of your life.’ I say ‘fuck that.’ All right? Fuck that. Let’s go out there, and we play the next 24 minutes for the next 24 minutes, and we leave it all out on the field. W…

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, imdb.com

mediocre fuck that

Charlie Tweeder: Hey, you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance? [Tweeder dances] You know what it’s called? Mox: What? Charlie Tweeder: The New Tweeder End Zone Dance.

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

End Zone dance eponymous

Playing football at West Canaan may have been the opportunity of your lifetime, but I don’t want your life!

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, imdb.com

Football Opportunity Lifetime

Jonathan Moxon, you are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your goddamn clothes and get in the car.

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

you're under arrest sophomore Naked

[Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window] Good moonin, boys! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to ass you a question.

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

Mooning ass crack of dawn

[singing] ‘She broke my heart, so I broke her jaw.’

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

Misogyny Heartbreak Domestic Violence

Ladies, shut up and hold on to your nipples!

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

Misogyny nipples Sexual Assault

Charlie Tweeder: Will you listen to me? Bitches are all just panty-droppers. You understand? That’s it. Mox: What? Charlie Tweeder: Listen. You give ‘em a Percocet, two Vicodin and a couple of beers, and the panties drop. It’s very nice. Mox: [laughing] Charlie Tweeder: [emphatically] It’s nice. Mox…

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, imdb.com

Bitches panty-droppers date rape drugs STDs Prison

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