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Rhett Reese

81 quotesScreenwriter · United States Of America · Male

Rhett Reese is an American film producer, television producer and screenwriter. As a screenwriter, his early credits included Clifford's Really Big Movie and Cruel Intentions 3. He has collaborated with Paul Wernick, writing the films Zombieland, G.I. Joe: Retaliation and Life, as well as Deadpool and its 2018 sequel. Together they also created the reality series The Joe Schmo Show. 2Personal life Reese lives in Los Angeles with his wife, actress, writer and producer Chelsey Cris

All Fucking (8)Twinkies (5)Fuck (4)Bill Murray (4)Self-Referential (3)ass (3)wolverine (2)cardio (2)pacific playland (2)Guns (2)Trust (2)Murder (2)Dubstep (2)Shit (2)Rock Bottom (1)

From “Zombieland”

Columbus: Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else’s story? Tallahassee: No. I knew a guy way worse at that than me.

one-upmanship

Wichita: [playing Monopoly] Ooh! Free parking... Little Rock: Yeah. Wichita: —which coincidentally is the best thing about Zombieland. Columbus: You want to know the best thing about Z-land? No—no Facebook status updates. You know, Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday. Who cares? Tallahassee: The…

Monopoly Facebook epic flush

There’s a box of Twinkies in that grocery store. Not just any box of Twinkies—the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. Believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date. Some day very soon, life’s little Twinkie gauge is gonna go...empty.

Twinkies Expiration Date Universe

Little Rock: No Twinkies. Tallahassee: Shit! fuck! Wichita: See, I told you we should have gone to Russell Crowe’s! No one listens to me.

Twinkies Shit Fuck Russell Crowe

Columbus: [Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume; Tallahassee turns around and glares at Columbus] Okay. Let me begin my three-part apology by saying that I think you’re a wonderful human, with great potential. Tallahassee: It’s okay...but FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than…

human Potential ass

Bill Murray: You are staring at me. It’s a hairpiece! It’s a piece. Wichita: It’s—I’m sorry. No, it’s just that you look remarkably like Eddie Van Halen. Bill Murray: I just saw Eddie Van Halen. Wichita: Nuh-uh. Tallahassee: Really? Bill Murray: Yeah. Wichita: Wow. Tallahassee: Where? Bill Murray:…

Eddie Van Halen Bill Murray Hollywood Bowl Zombie hairpiece

Little Rock: Have you heard about Pacific Playland? There are no zombies there. Columbus: The amusement park? Little Rock: Yep! Tallahassee: That place totally blows! [Little Rock and Wichita shoot Tallahassee angry looks] ...my mind. Just fun for the whole family.

pacific playland Amusement Park that blows

Columbus: You know there’s a place untouched by all this crap? Tallahassee: Back East, yeah? Columbus: Yeah. Yeah. You heard the same thing? Tallahassee: Out west, we hear it’s back East. Back east, they hear it’s out West. It’s all just nonsense. You know, you’re like a penguin on the North Pole…

east West North Pole Penguins South Pole

[Columbus kisses Wichita] Finally got to first base. Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck.

first base spit fuck scrawny

[Searching for Twinkies] Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?

Twinkie Spongy yellow Delicious Bastards

Tallahassee: Bill Murray, you’re a zombie? [Wichita hits Bill in his back with a golf club] Bill Murray: [cries in pain] Ow, I’m on fire! Ouch! Tallahassee: You’re not a zombie, you’re talking and...you’re okay? Bill Murray: The hell I am. Wichita: I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was...it was ‘you’ you.…

zombies Pain zombie makeup

[to Columbus] You’re thinking about fucking Wichita! [ignores Columbus’s taken-aback ‘no’ gesture] Hey, wish granted. She’s spent the last twenty-four hours fucking us both.

Fucking wishes

Columbus: Take away a man’s son, you’ve truly given him nothing left to lose. Tallahassee: I haven’t cried like that since Titanic.

Loss of a Child Titanic

Tallahassee: [discovers Hostess truck filled with Sno-Balls] Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Where’s the fucking Twinkies? Columbus: I love Sno-Balls. Tallahassee: I hate coconut. Not the taste, consistency. Columbus: [eats a Sno-Ball] Fresh. Tallahassee: Oh, this Twinkie thing, it ain’t over yet.

Fucking Sno-Balls Twinkies

Time to nut up or shut up.

nut up shut up

Tallahassee: Are you fucking with me? Columbus: Uh, no. You should actually limber up as well. Especially if we’re going down that hill. It is very important. Tallahassee: I don’t believe in it. You ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gazelle?

gazelle Lion limber

Bill Murray: [dying] Is that how you say hello where you come from? Columbus: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can’t believe I shot Bill Murray. Tallahassee: Mr. Murray? Bill Murray: I’m just Bill, I think, now. Tallahassee: Bill? Bill Murray: Yeah? Tallahassee: [pokes at Bill’s wound] I don’t think we’re…

Bill Murray Murder Gallows Humor Regrets Garfield Movie

Tallahassee: [referring to Wichita and Little Rock, who previously hijacked them] They’re in the back, aren’t they? Little Rock: [pops up holding shotgun] Just me. Columbus: I’m really sorry. She was like a crouching tiger... Tallahassee: You got taken hostage by a 12-year-old? Columbus: Well, girls…

Girls boys Guns Puberty

Goddamn it, Bill fucking Murray! I had to get that out. I don’t mean to gush. This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. Maybe not lately, but I’m such a huge fan of yours. You know, I swear, I’ve seen every one of your movies a million times. I even loved your dramatic roles…

Goddamn Bill Murray Fucking masturbate

Tallahassee: I’m not great at farewells, so, uh, that’ll do, pig. Columbus: That’s the worst goodbye I’ve ever heard, and you stole it from a movie.

goodbye Pig Plagiarism

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