Season 2

“Where were you? You were gone for three hours. I know because I sang 'This Is How We Do It' 143 times.”

— Michael Schur, Daniel J. Goor, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, imdb.com

“Oh, you're useless! You're completely useless! You are without a doubt the most incompetent detectives I've ever seen! And I'm including that bomb-sniffing dog, who humps all the bombs!”

— Michael Schur, Daniel J. Goor, Charles Boyle, Joe Lo Truglio, imdb.com

“MY ASS IS NOT FAT!”

— Michael Schur, Daniel J. Goor, Terry Jeffords, Terry Crews, imdb.com

“Peralta: Do I even weigh anything to you? Terry: No. It's like holding a couple of grapes.”

— Michael Schur, Daniel J. Goor, Terry Jeffords, Terry Crews, imdb.com

“Peralta: Hey, Captain, I just sent you an email, uh... Holt: 'Dear Captain, we were all so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.' Sent from, 'My Stinky Butt.'”

— Michael Schur, Daniel J. Goor, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, imdb.com

“Judge Marinovich: A cop and a defense attorney sleeping together? That's highly unusual. Peralta: At the time I did not know she was a defense attorney. I should have been able to guess, however, based on her ability to lie all over me.”

— Michael Schur, Daniel J. Goor, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, imdb.com

“[Recording] It's Gina's phone, leave me a voicemail. I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.”

— Michael Schur, Daniel J. Goor, Gina Linetti, Chelsea Peretti, imdb.com

“Holt: I'm doing a cost-benefit analysis in my head. The benefits outweigh the costs- we have reached an accord. Peralta: Accords!”

— Michael Schur, Daniel J. Goor, Captain Ray Holt, Andre Braugher, imdb.com

“Hold it up! You're gonna let some quack doctor just knife around down there? You are blessed with a great power, and you should never snip its wings. You should let it soar.”

— Daniel J. Goor, Michael Schur, Gina Linetti, Chelsea Peretti, imdb.com