Season 2

“I don't believe in sick. If it's not cancer, you come to work. In fact, most cancers are a half day.”

— Katie Schwartz, Nathaniel Plimpton, Scott Michael Foster, imdb.com

“I won't be back to normal 'til I see what your nipples look like!”

— Elisabeth Kiernan Averick, Nathaniel Plimpton, Scott Michael Foster, imdb.com

“Oh my God! Periods are Code Blue, because blue is the color of the liquids they use in tampon commercials, because men hate that women bleed!”

— Elisabeth Kiernan Averick, Rebecca Bunch, Rachel Bloom, imdb.com

“Unfortunately, I wanna have sex with you. Don't know what happened, maybe you lost some weight. For some reason, you're now on the top of my to-do list. Let's get this over with so I can focus on other tasks.”

— Elisabeth Kiernan Averick, Nathaniel Plimpton, Scott Michael Foster, imdb.com

“Naomi: Don't touch the air conditioning, I sweat like a pig! Rebecca: It's like the FROZEN TUNDRA in here!”

— Doug Mand, Dan Gregor, Rebecca Bunch, Rachel Bloom, imdb.com

“Oh, he's a terrible person! He is a terrible, terrible... dreamboat. Like, it's weird how good looking he is. Right? It's like he's chiseled out of evil marble.”

— Rachel Bloom, Aline Brosh McKenna, Paula Proctor, Donna Lynne Champlin, imdb.com

“These are good people! They've supported me through a lot of tough times. Alright, I moved here less than a year ago, completely started over and they've supported me - even the most humiliating moments... I pooped in a shoe on You Tube! Okay? That's what happened.”

— Rachel Bloom, Aline Brosh McKenna, Rebecca Bunch, Rachel Bloom, imdb.com

“It's what my father always told me, that if I ever tried to make something of myself, that no man would want me and so, I mean, just like the minute that I try to pursue my dreams, my husband 'accidentally' falls into another woman's vagina!”

— Rachel Specter, Audrey Wauchope, Paula Proctor, Donna Lynne Champlin, imdb.com

“Rebecca: Let's Thelma and Louise this thing! Valencia: Great! Heather: Thelma and Louise drove off a cliff, so be careful!”

— Michael Hitchcock, Heather Davis, Vella Lovell, imdb.com

“I'm not forcing, I'm aggressively facilitating.”

— Jack Dolgen, Rebecca Bunch, Rachel Bloom, imdb.com

“Ah, not a problem for me. I love a good public poo. It's like, leave it and forget it - not my mess!”

— Erin Ehrlich, Aline Brosh McKenna, Rebecca Bunch, Rachel Bloom, imdb.com

“This is why I'm growing out my pubic hair - because it makes me feel like a fierce animal!”

— Aline Brosh McKenna, Erin Ehrlich, Rebecca Bunch, Rachel Bloom, imdb.com

“We can't undo, can't make amends. Dysfunction is our lingua franca. We can't unscrew each other's friends - we're Jerry Springer not Casablanca. There's hard-to-get, then there's neglect - to say it's fate, you'd have to be a bit slow! Not to be crass, but this sucks ass. This was a shit show.”

— Erin Ehrlich, Greg Serrano, Santino Fontana, imdb.com

“Okay well, let's not knock someone for a fetish. I mean, you know, some people like being... choked by red licorice. I'm not saying who, but I think you know it's me.”

— Aline Brosh McKenna, Rachel Bloom, Erin Ehrlich, Rebecca Bunch, Rachel Bloom, imdb.com

“I'm gonna let destiny take the wheel, like Jesus supposedly does sometimes.”

— Marc Webb, Rachel Bloom, Aline Brosh McKenna, Rebecca Bunch, Rachel Bloom, imdb.com

“There are no signs. Life doesn't happen to you, you make decisions. And right now I'm deciding to move forward with my life.”

— Erin Ehrlich, Greg Serrano, Santino Fontana, imdb.com