2026.03.16 · MON · W12
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Season

Season 2

by Bill Hader, Fred Armisen, Helen Mirren, Luis Fernando Hoyos

(23 total)

Characters

Bill Hader (27)John Mulaney (12)Jerry Wallach (12)Seth Meyers (11)Fred Armisen (7)Tom O'Halloran (5)Arturo (2)Pete Reynolds (2)Nico Rodriguez (1)Diego (1)
“World's always gonna need salesmen.”

— Seth Meyers, Pete Reynolds, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: World, Sales, salesmen
“I believe in it, and that makes it easy.”

— Seth Meyers, Tom O'Halloran, Fred Armisen, imdb.com

Tagged: Belief, Easy, Trust
“You know what I love about my job? I get to see the world everyday.”

— Seth Meyers, Pete Reynolds, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: corny, Job, World, Sales
“You will not believe the number of people who hear a price like that and immediately try to Jew you down.”

— Seth Meyers, Tom O'Halloran, Fred Armisen, imdb.com

Tagged: Negotiation, Price
“You don't ruin a sale by pointing out mistakes!”

— Seth Meyers, Tom O'Halloran, Fred Armisen, imdb.com

Tagged: sale, upset, Mistakes
“What I wouldn't do for a nice old lady.”

— Seth Meyers, Tom O'Halloran, Fred Armisen, imdb.com

Tagged: Sales, Nice, Old Lady, Money, sweet
“When guests come over, and, you know, they see a globe, they're gonna know immediately they're in the presence of somebody who's worldly.”

— Seth Meyers, Tom O'Halloran, Fred Armisen, imdb.com

Tagged: guests, Worldly, Presence
“We have every kind of salsa. We have teriyaki. We have barbecue. We have peanut butter. Ranch dressing, that's important.”

— Seth Meyers, Diego, Luis Fernando Hoyos, imdb.com

Tagged: Salsa, taste, food, Toppings, Peanut Butter
“The coffee, every bean, is it your friend or enemy?”

— Seth Meyers, Arturo, Fred Armisen, imdb.com

Tagged: Coffee, ingredient, picky, Friend, Enemy
“If he catches the chicken, there is chicken on the menu. But if he doesn't catch the chicken, he believes that fate has spoken and wants the chicken to live.”

— Seth Meyers, Nico Rodriguez, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: chicken, Fate, Belief, Life
“Every banana we inspect up close. How it feels. How it looks in the light. How it sounds.”

— Seth Meyers, Arturo, Fred Armisen, imdb.com

Tagged: inspection, meticulous, Detail Oriented , banana, Light
“Now I spend my days awash in a cologne of cold memory. It stinks of regret like a diaper in a hot car.”

— John Mulaney, Bill Hader, Jerry Wallach, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: Memory, Stinks, Simile Examples, diaper
“Leave it to Julie Andrews' little minion to [bleep] me over.”

— John Mulaney, Bill Hader, Jerry Wallach, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: Minon , Anne Hathaway , Julie Andrews , upset
“I needed to get smart, wisen up, kick the stupid out of my brain and rev the Corvette.”

— John Mulaney, Bill Hader, Jerry Wallach, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: Smart, wise, Corvette , metaphor example, Brain
“The future looked as good as a blonde with long, flat buttocks.”

— John Mulaney, Bill Hader, Jerry Wallach, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: blonde, Simile Examples, butt
“A bondage-themed, improvised movie with borderline-unattractive no-name actors. The anticipation for our masterpiece kept growing and growing.”

— John Mulaney, Bill Hader, Jerry Wallach, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: Improvised , actor, unattractive, Masterpiece, Art
“Mary Poppins screwed me.”

— John Mulaney, Bill Hader, Jerry Wallach, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: Awards, Mary Poppins, upset, Mad
“It was at that low moment that my indigenous friends introduced me to the cocaine leaf. Ten times more potent than the stepped-on powder sold in L.A. For the rest of the 70s, I lived like a jacked-up koala.”

— John Mulaney, Bill Hader, Jerry Wallach, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: Friends, Cocaine, Koala, Drugs, high
“We were determined to make the coke-iest movie ever.”

— John Mulaney, Bill Hader, Jerry Wallach, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: Movie, Coke, Goals, Projects
“I felt great. And a little violent all day.”

— John Mulaney, Bill Hader, Jerry Wallach, Bill Hader, imdb.com

Tagged: Great, violent, crazy
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Characters & Writers

  • Bill Hader27
  • John Mulaney12
  • Jerry Wallach12
  • Seth Meyers11
  • Fred Armisen7
  • Tom O'Halloran5
  • Arturo2
  • Pete Reynolds2
  • Nico Rodriguez1
  • Diego1
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