Season

Season 1

by Trey Parker, Isaac Hayes, Matt Stone, Mary Kay Bergman, April Stewart and 14 others

In 'Cartman Gets an Anal Probe', South Park is visited by aliens, who proceed to kidnap Kyle's little brother, Ike, mutilate some cows and probe Eric Cartman anally. 'Volcano' sees the boys going on a weekend camping trip with Uncle Jimbo and Ned, his pal

(77 total)

Characters

Trey Parker (94)Matt Stone (71)Eric Cartman (35)Philip Stark (15)Stan Marsh (12)Isaac Hayes (6)Chef (6)David A. Goodman (6)Mr. Garrison (6)Dan Sterling (5)

“Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals, I'm living proof. Beefcake! Beefcake!”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: Goals, Dreams, beefcake

“Stan: Thanks for your help, Wendy. Wendy: Whatever, dude. I promise me you'll be here. Stan: Hey, I didn't throw up. Wendy: Cool! We're always be together. [She's happy now. They both look at each other like they're going to kiss, and romantic music plays. Wendy puckers up. Stan gets queasy and vomi…”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: Vomit, Friendship, Love

“Okay, that does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?! I'm sick of it! It's completely immature! [Cartman simultaneously farts fire and a satellite dish comes out of his bottom]”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: ass jokes, Immature

“Kyle: Well, it looks like she's not going to show up, Stan. Let's go look for the visitors, now. Stan: But her note said she'd be here. [Wendy appears out of nowhere] Wendy: Hi, Stan. want to catch. [Stan sees Wendy, then throws up] Eww! Kyle: You can't talk to Stan, Wendy. He throws up when you do.…”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: stood up

“[after seeing a crop circle on the news that looks just like him] Cartman: Hey, that kind of looks like...Tom Selleck.”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: Tom Selleck, Crop Circle

“Kyle: Dude, I have to save Ike! I don't even know what to do! Stan: Well, we can't do anything now; that fat bitch won't let us. Ms. Crabtree: [shouts] WHAT DID YOU SAY? Stan: I said, 'Rabbits eat lettuce.' Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do.”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

Tagged: Fat-Shaming, Misheard

“Kyle: [into Cartman's ear] Hey, if you visitors can hear me, bring me back my little brother, goddamn it! Cartman: Ow, that hurt, you buttlicker!”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

Tagged: Screaming, earache

“Kyle: Ready, Ike? Kick the baby! Ike: Don't kick the baby! Kyle: Kick the baby. [kicks Ike across the street, knocking over a row of mailboxes]”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

Tagged: baby kicking

“Ms. Crabtree: SHUT UP BACK THERE! ARRRGGGHHH!!! Stan: Yeah, whatever, ya fat bitch. Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! Stan: I said, 'I have a bad itch.' Ms. Crabtree: Oh.”

— Matt Stone, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: Fat-Shaming, fat bitch, shut up

“Chef: [gets out of his car] Hello there, children! Boys: Hey, Chef! Stan: What's going to be for lunch today, Chef? Chef: Well, today, it's Salisbury steak with buttered noodles, and a choice of green-bean casserole or vegetable medley. Cartman: Kick ass.”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: Chef, Salisbury Steak, Kick Ass

“Chief Running Water: I hate to break this to you, but your mother is what we Native Americans call 'bear with wiiiide canyon.' Cartman: Huh? Chief Running Water: She is 'doe who cannot keep legs together.' Cartman: What? Chief Running Water: Your mom's a slut. Cartman: Hey!”

— David A. Goodman, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: Slut, Slut-shaming, Native Americans

“How-dy-ho!”

— Dave Polsky, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Mr. Hankey, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Mr. Garrison: And where are you from, Damien? Damien: The seventh layer of hell! Mr. Garrison: Oh, that's exciting, my mother was from Alabama.”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: Hell, Alabama

“Cartman: I'm not the one walking around all day like Pippi Longstocking. Stan: Well, at least my mom isn't on the cover of Crack Whore magazine.”

— Philip Stark, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: Pippi Longstocking, Crack Whore

“Mrs. Cartman: Eric, I just got a call from your friend Kyle's mother. She said that this show is naughty and might make you a potty-mouth. Cartman: That's a bunch of crap. Kyle's mom is a dirty Jew!”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: naughty, Potty Mouth, Jew, Anti-Semitism

“Gay people? Gay people are evil, right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you…”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: Homophobia, Evil, Nazi, Vomitous, violent

“Okay, that does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?! I'm sick of it! It's completely immature!”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

Tagged: Anal Humor, Fart Jokes, Sick, Immature