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Quotes tagged ‘jesus’

(115 total)

Open my hand like Jesus and save you.

If Jesus didn't want us to have sex he'd make every girl look like Quasimodo's sister.

— Brendon Yorke, Ron Oliver, Sean Reycraft, Gavin 'Spinner' Mason, Shane Kippel, imdb.com

Oh, come on Chassidy. Jesus doesn't drive a Camaro. Or have a solo IMDb credit for a herpes commercial.

— Waco O'Guin, Roger Black, Bullet, Kyle Kinane, imdb.com

I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!

— Will Ferrell, Cal Naughton, Jr., John C. Reilly, imdb.com

I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.

— Will Ferrell, Cal Naughton, Jr., John C. Reilly, imdb.com

I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.

— Will Ferrell, Cal Naughton, Jr., John C. Reilly, imdb.com

Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces...newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet.

— Adam McKay, Will Ferrell, Ricky Bobby, Will Ferrell, imdb.com

Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.

— Adam McKay, Ricky Bobby, Will Ferrell, imdb.com

[running around on the track in his underwear] Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!

— Adam McKay, Ricky Bobby, Will Ferrell, imdb.com

Hey, hey! Stop fuckin' with Korean Jesus. He ain't got time for yo problems, he's busy wit Korean shit!

— Michael Bacall, Captain Dickson, Ice Cube, imdb.com

Jesus and Santa were cousins, everybody knows this!

— Debby Wolfe, Michelle Badillo, Caroline Levich, Lydia Riera, Rita Moreno, imdb.com

She's very monotone with Jesus.

— Khloé Kardashian, imdb.com

Honestly, it smells so bad... It smells like a moose had sex with a bucket of Chinese food in here, like musty... and you kind of look like Jesus and Patrick Dempsey had a child, and that child grew older and then got really sick.

— Andrew Lenchewski, John P. Rogers, Evan Lawson, Paulo Costanzo, imdb.com

Ryan: You'd better pray for a Chrimukkah miracle. Seth: I've got Jesus and Moses on my side, man.

— Stephanie Savage, Seth Cohen, Adam Brody, imdb.com

When a woman says, ‘Come with me’ and she doesn’t tell you where you’re going, she’s taking you to Jesus. It’s always Jesus.

— Brian Buckner, Nick Clark, Frank Dillane, imdb.com

Shadow: Did you always believe? Jesus: Did I always believe? I am belief, Shadow. I don't know how not to believe. Shadow: I don't think I know how to. I think I maybe don't...don't really believe. You know, I don't really believe any of this. And maybe everything that's happened so far is just some…

— Maria Melnik, Shadow Moon, Ricky Whittle, imdb.com

Mad Sweeney: I've done the math. This times that equals you're a cunt, divided by the only way I'm going to get what I need is if you give it to me, equals the only way you're going to give it to me is if you don't need it. Like my friend Jesus Christ, the only thing you need, dead wife, is resurrec…

— Maria Melnik, Mad Sweeney, Pablo Schreiber, imdb.com

Wednesday: That woman thinks Jesus suffered for her sins. They're her sins, why should Jesus do all the suffering? Shadow: Cause his dad sacrificed his ass. Wednesday: Don't blame the parent. Plenty of suffering and blame to go around. Although that White Jesus could stand a little more suffering. H…

— Maria Melnik, Mr. Wednesday, Ian McShane, imdb.com

Honestly if I didn't have my personal relationship with Jesus Christ I wouldn't be able to do this. When my mother died I was SO angry at him and fell away from my faith. It took years of him pulling me back into his loving arms. I was miserable without him.

— Austin Carlile, loudwire.com

Kyle: You see, I learned something today. Throughout this whole ordeal, we've all wanted to show things that we weren't allowed to show, but it wasn't because of some magic goo. It was because of the magical power of threatening people with violence. That's obviously the only true power. If there's…

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

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