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I just want to say whatever happens this meant something.

— Tom Hall, Brian Gittis, Rob, John Gallagher Jr., At the Hospital, an Interlude of Clarity

Why this need to make strangers fall in love with me?

— Brian Gittis, Tom Hall, Yasmine, Sofia Boutella, At the Hospital, an Interlude of Clarity

Having a brand that doesn’t mean what it used to, or doesn’t mean anything at all, is no obstacle to generating bulk reader traffic.

— Ben Mathis-Lilley, Let’s All Stop Mindlessly Clicking and Sharing Zombie Links

Media Cliff Notes

Watson declined to comment on revenue, except to say that OZY's top-line has grown around 50% year-over-year for the past four years, and that the company expects to be profitable in calendar 2020.

— Dan Primack, OZY Media has raised $35 million in new venture capital funding

Media Cliff Notes

Whether you're a sexy mouse or evil ex-wife (a Mean Girls reference, ok?), make sure you head to bed with your skin moisturized and your makeup brushes clean this Hallow's eve.

— Gianluca Russo, The Best Tricks To Clean Your Makeup Brushes After Halloween

Makeup Halloween

I like it because it's the antithesis of Christmas.

— Try Guys, Carving Faces On To Pumpkins

Halloween Pumpkin Carving

Jonathon ‘Mox’ Moxon: Darcy’s pretty sharp. She pulls A’s. Julie Harbor: That’s not all she 'pulls.'

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, Varsity Blues

Double Entendre

Mox: I’m a good boy. I’ve always been good. What’s my upside to being good? [looks at at box of condoms] I mean, I’m 18 years old, it’s not like I’m married to her. She invited me over. I’m just being polite—right, Kyle? [pause] Kyle? Kyle: I only answer to one name. I am the Great and Honorable Al-…

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, Varsity Blues

Allah condoms Sacrilege

Charlie Tweeder: Say I’m stupid and I’m about to get hit in the nuts. Billy Bob: That’s funny. Charlie Tweeder: Ain’t it funny? That’s what I mean. See, they need to change the name of the show to America’s funniest shots in the nuts.

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, Varsity Blues

ow my balls kick in the nuts

Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.

— W. Peter Iliff, Coach Bud Kilmer, Jon Voight, Varsity Blues

Weakness Pain Sadism

In America, we have laws. Laws against killing, laws against stealing. And it is just accepted that as a member of American society, you will live by these laws. In West Canaan, Texas, there is another society which has its own laws. Football is a way of life.

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, Varsity Blues

America Laws Killing Football

Charlie Tweeder: What is up with Carrie Ann Baker? Billy Bob: Darcy’s friend? Charlie Tweeder: Oh, my God! She’s got this look. Like, I just fell out of the I’m-gonna-suck-your-dick tree and hit every branch on the way down!

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, Varsity Blues

Slut Shaming suck your dick

Police Officer: Congratulations. Charlie Tweeder: Congratulations to you, too. Police Officer: Congratulations for what? Charlie Tweeder: For getting to wear such cute ‘mount me’ hats. Police Officer: Mount me? Charlie Tweeder: Not right away. After a few drinks...

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, Varsity Blues

Congratulations disrespect

Jonathon ‘Mox’ Moxon: The male erection? Pitchin’ a tent, sportin’ a wood, the icicle if formed, the march is on... Miss Davis: That’s good... Jonathon ‘Mox’ Moxon: Stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, rigor mortis has set in, flesh rocket, Jack’s magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroo…

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, Varsity Blues

erection Euphemisms

Well, we’re all naked in there and we’ve got handcuffs and cool shit to play with, so take off your clothes and get in the car.

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, Varsity Blues

bondage S&M handcuffs cool shit

[after Kilmer left the locker room after choking Moxon] Before this game started, Kilmer said ‘48 minutes for the next 48 years of your life.’ I say ‘fuck that.’ All right? Fuck that. Let’s go out there, and we play the next 24 minutes for the next 24 minutes, and we leave it all out on the field. W…

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, Varsity Blues

mediocre fuck that

Now, we go out there and we half-ass it because we’re scared, all we’re left with is an excuse. We’re always gonna wonder. But we go out there and we give it absolutely everything...that’s heroic. Let’s be heroes!

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, Varsity Blues

Half-Ass Scared Heroic

Charlie Tweeder: Hey, you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance? [Tweeder dances] You know what it’s called? Mox: What? Charlie Tweeder: The New Tweeder End Zone Dance.

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, Varsity Blues

End Zone dance eponymous

Playing football at West Canaan may have been the opportunity of your lifetime, but I don’t want your life!

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, Varsity Blues

Football Opportunity Lifetime

Jonathan Moxon, you are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your goddamn clothes and get in the car.

— W. Peter Iliff, Charlie Tweeder, Scott Caan, Varsity Blues

you're under arrest sophomore Naked

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