You know that feeling when you're dining out and you order things from the menu that are within your budget, and then the bill arrives and you spot an extra "surcharge" or "fee" that tacks on another 10% in addition to the 20% you were planning to leave as a tip because you aren't a total jerkface,…

— Elizabeth Robinson, If A Restaurant Adds A Surcharge, Do I Still Have To Tip?

Surcharge Rest Tipping

We fight a lot, but, at the end of the day, it's okay 'cause we really do hate each other.

— Michael Patrick O'Brien, Mary Wagner, Mary Sohn, Wednesday Morning, 8AM

Fight End of the Day Hate

Cricket nipples.

— Michael Patrick O'Brien, Helen Henry DeMarcus, Paula Pell, Wednesday Morning, 8AM

Cricket Random Weird

Heather: I drink, I cuss, I sleep around. What are you going to do about it? Nun: I don't think you do any of those things. Heather: I use the b word sometimes. Nun: Who hasn't?

— John Blickstead, Trey Kollmer, Heather, Allisyn Ashley Arm, Nuns

Cuss Drinking B-Word

I almost had a nervous movement. A poo.

— John Blickstead, Trey Kollmer, Victor Kozlowski, Jacob Houston, Nuns

Poop Nervous Bowel Movement

Let's find this middle child juggalo.

— John Blickstead, Trey Kollmer, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, Nuns

middle child Juggalo mission

I'd smooch Durbin if I wasn't as gay as a tree full of birds.

— Donick Cary, Helen Henry DeMarcus, Paula Pell, Happiness

kiss Simile Examples

Keep your eyes peeled for more beer o'clocks.

— Donick Cary, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, Happiness

Eyes Peeled Beer Drinking Time

Good night, sweet prince.

— Donick Cary, Victor Kozlowski, Jacob Houston, Happiness

Night sweet gentle Prince

Okay, so there's four basic categories of happiness that I'm going to want to focus on all right? One, work a job where you can see the physical results of your labor at the end of each day. Two, make up mundane celebrations to distract you from your inevitable death. Number three, ingest sugary, fa…

— Donick Cary, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, Happiness

Happiness Work Job Life

Oh Michelle, you white ass Rihanna, of course, the 20th!

— Donick Cary, Stef Duncan, Lyric Lewis, Happiness

Rihanna Excited

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