Cartman: More tea, Rumpertumskin? Rumpertumskin: Yes, please, Eric. You are tough and handsome. Cartman: Thank you, Rumpertumskin. And what do you think about me, Clyde Frog? Clyde Frog: I think you're a big fat piece of crap. Cartman: AY!
Catalog
David A. Goodman
David A. Goodman is an American writer and producer and a graduate of the University of Chicago, where he earned a BA in 1984. He was one of the executive producers of Family Guy, beginning its fourth season, joining the show as a co-executive producer in season three. He was also a writer for several television series, such as The Golden Girls (his first job), Futurama (where he was also a co-executive producer, and writer of the famous Futurama Star Trek parody episode "Where No Fan Has Gone Before") and Star Trek: Enterprise. David Goodman also produced Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story. He is also the writer for Fred: The Movie, a 2010 film based on the Fred Figglehorn YouTube series and the sequel Fred 2: Night of the Living Fred. During the commentary for the Futurama episode "Where No Fan Has Gone Before" (which he wrote), he mentioned he is a huge Star Trek fan, with an encyclopedic knowledge of the original series. It is also noted that every episode number and name mentioned is 100% correct in the episode. He also states in the commentary that his work for Futurama involving the Star Trek episode was partly what got him a job after Futurama writing for Star Trek: Enterprise. Goodman is also known for his deep throat voice which has been poked fun at numerous times in Family Guy audio commentaries, particularly by the creator Seth MacFarlane and writer Alec Sulkin who both believe his voice sounds a lot like Ray Romano's. As a result, Goodman has voiced parodies of Romano in Family Guy episodes by not doing an impression, but by simply talkin
Chief Running Water: I knew that she wanted me because she kept saying romantic things. Mrs. Cartman: 'Oh Chief, I want your hot man-chowder.' Chief Running Water: Whoa, Hell-o!
Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto? Or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison? Jimbo: Nope. He's gay. Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! Narrator: Is it Jimbo? Jimbo: Daaagh! Narrator:…
Mrs. Crabtree: COME ON! WE'RE RUNNING LATE! Stan: We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch! Mrs. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! Stan: I said we're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch. Mrs. Crabtree: [calmly] Oh. Alright then. [drives off] Kyle: Whoa, dude! Stan: I always wondered if that would work.
Cartman: Mom, can I ask you a question? Mrs. Cartman: Sure, Hun. Cartman: You know how my friend Stan has, like, a dad? Mrs. Cartman: Uh-huh. Cartman: And my friend Kyle has a dad and my friend Kenny has a dad? Mrs. Cartman: Yes? [long pause] Mrs. Cartman: Well, what's your question, Hun? Cartman:…
Chief Running Water: I hate to break this to you, but your mother is what we Native Americans call 'bear with wiiiide canyon.' Cartman: Huh? Chief Running Water: She is 'doe who cannot keep legs together.' Cartman: What? Chief Running Water: Your mom's a slut. Cartman: Hey!
Cartman: Wait a minute! [points at his mom/dad] If she's my dad, who's my mom? Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's mother? Is it Ms. Crabtree, Sheila Broflovski, the Mayor? Cartman: ARGH, FORGET IT!
Nurse: When was the fetus conceived? Mrs. Cartman: Eight years ago. Nurse: So that would make the fetus— Mrs. Cartman: Eight years old. Nurse: That places you in what we call the fortieth trimester.
Kenny: Oh my God! They killed Mephisto! Kyle: You bastards!
Cartman: For my book report, I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was very, very good. Have you read it, Mr. Garrison? Mr. Garrison: No, I can't say I have. Cartman: Oh good. In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, a bunch of hippies walk around and paint stuff. They eat lunch, and then…
Randy Marsh: Uh yes, officer? Cartman: I clocked you at 40 MPH back there. Do you know what the speed limit is hey-ah? Randy: Well, according to that sign right there, it's 40 MPH. Cartman: Step out of the car, please, sir. Randy: Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend? Cartman: Sir, step…
Mayor: The Chickenfucker struck again last night. Kyle: Oh, no! Officer Barbarady: Oh Mayor, please, when we're around children we prefer to call him the 'chicken lover.' Mayor's Assistant: This time he made love to Carla Weathers's prize chicken. She's catatonic. Barbrady: Who? Carla Weathers or…
Officer Barbarady: Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of its garbage, and because of this piece of shoot, I'm never reading again. Stan/Kyle: Hooray for Barbarady!
Priest Maxi: Good. Boys, how would you like to perform the Stations of the Cross this Friday night? Stan: The what? Priest Maxi: It's like a skit, where you re-enact the death and glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ. Kyle: Hey, res-erection! That's what my dad needs!
Priest Maxi: Blessed be the name of Jesus! Crowd: It's a great name, isn't it?
So Jesus died and then three days later he had an erection.