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Etan Cohen

20 quotesFilm Director · Born Mar 14, 1974 · United States Of America · Male

Etan Cohen (born March 14, 1974) is an Israeli-American screenwriter and film director. He is best known for writing the scripts to Tropic Thunder, Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa and Men in Black 3. 2Life and career Born in Israel to a Jewish family, Cohen grew up in Efrat, and in Sharon, Massachusetts. He graduated from the Maimonides School and Harvard College, where he wrote for the Harvard Lampoon. His first produced scripts, in 1995 and 1997, were for Beavis and Butthead, where he was credited as Ethan Cohen. He has since written for other Mike Judge-directed projects, including King of the Hill from 2001 to 2005, and for the feature film Idiocracy in 2006. In the late 1990s he worked on two other television series – the animated Recess and the short lived It's Like, You Know.... After scripting Idiocracy, he worked on the hit animated series, American Dad! and wrote the episode, "Failure Is Not a Factory-Installed Option". The American Da

All dysgenics (6)ass (3)fucked up (2)Retarded (2)Kickass (2)Shit (2)Rehabilitation (1)pimp (1)Dipshit (1)fags (1)Starbucks (1)masturbation (1)Directions (1)Movies (1)Reading (1)

From “Failure is Not a Factory-Installed Option”

Aw, Steve, your first gropefest. You won't truly appreciate the awkwardness of this moment until you're fondly reminiscing as a 35-year-old homosexual.

Gropefest Awkwardness Homosexual

From “Beer and Loathing”

I don't mean to sound racist, but this by far is the best selection of beans I have ever seen. I'm serious.

Beans racist

From “Dumbasses Anonymous”

Bartender: Look, I told you kids! You have no I.D.'s, you look underage, and if I serve you, I'll go to jail! Butt-head: Uhh…how about one for the road?

underage drinking not taking "No" for an answer One for the Road

From “Idiocracy”

Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

mountain dew

It started off boring and slow with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: 'Blah blah blah. You gotta believe me!' That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, 'Man, whatever! The guy's guilty as shit! We all know that.' And he sentenced his…

ass Trial Blah Blah Blah guilty Rehabilitation

I like money.

Money

[addressing military brass about Rita's background] We did, however have to come to an arrangement with her pimp. A gentleman who goes by the name Upgrayedd. Which he spells thusly, with two D's, as he says, ‘for a double dose of this pimping’.

pimp

President Camacho: Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3-point plan that's going to fix EVERYTHING. Congressman #1: Break it down, Camacho! President Camacho: Number 1: We've got this guy Not Sure. Number 2: He's got a higher IQ than ANY MAN ALIVE. and Number 3:…

dysgenics IQ Shit Emotional

Pvt. Joe Bowers: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, y'know? Frito: I don't really think we have time for a handjob, Joe.

Starbucks handjob

Pvt. Joe Bowers: I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine. Frito: Oh, that's easy. You go down by the museum and stuff... It's like- it's, like, by the museum... Sorta by... Actually, not really. More like on the street, you go, um... Wait, let me start over. Okay, you know where…

Time Machine Directions

The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes that genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources where focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections.

Erections Hair loss Genetic Engineering Evolution

Joe and Rita had three children, the three smartest kids in the world. Vice President Frito took eight wives and had a total of 32 kids. Thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the Earth. OK, so maybe Joe didn't save mankind, but he got the ball rolling, and that's pretty good for an average…

dysgenics ass

President Camacho: Shit. I know shit's bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of French fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution. South Carolina Representative #1: That's what you said last time, dipshit! South Carolina Representative #2:…

dysgenics starving Bullshit Burrito French Fries

[laughs] Right, kick ass. Well, don't want to sound like a dick or nothin', but, ah... it says on your chart that you're fucked up. Ah, you talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. What I'd do, is just like... like... you know, like, you know what I mean, like...

fag Kickass fucked up Shit Retarded

Rita: You think Einstein walked around thinkin' everyone was a bunch of dumb shits? Pvt. Joe Bowers: Yeah. Hadn't thought of that. Rita: Now you know why he built that bomb.

Albert Einstein Atom Bomb Dumb Shits

And there was a time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn't just for fags and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again!

fags Reading Writing Movies Farting

Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack while masturbating to produce sperm for artificial insemination. But I had some eggs frozen, so just as soon as the right guy comes along...

Heart Attack masturbation dysgenics sperm donor Artificial Insemination

Don't worry, scrote. There are plenty of 'tards out there living really kickass lives. My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now.

Kickass fucked up Retarded scrote

The #1 movie in America was called Ass. And that's all it was for 90 minutes. It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay.

dysgenics ass oscars Best Screenplay

As the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point. Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest, the fastest, reproduced in greater numbers than the rest, a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different traits. Most…

natural selection devolution dysgenics stupid movies

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